Your husband criticizes you constantly because of two possible reasons.
He is either a perfectionist or he is having a disorder of negative thinking. Being a perfectionist, he wants everything perfect and his keenness is always in being and seeing the embodiment of perfection. He is almost helpless by his critical nature, as perfection comes naturally.
The second possibility is that he is having a disorder of negative thinking which compels him to go deep into his thinking and unfortunately, this dive brings him pessimism.
In his pessimistic approach, he suspects everything. He becomes full of doubts and in fair of his fears, tries to save him by criticizing you constantly. Though it seems like a coward act but as a matter of fact, it is a mental disorder and the victim is helpless.
Now you have understood the myth of criticism in your relationship.
If you still have a question, why is my husband so negative and critical?
Your husband is so negative and critical because to seek perfection he keeps a keen judgmental eye on you, which further leads to blame. He starts blaming you for little mistakes and demands that you should overcome them and become flawless.
It is just a thought coming to his mind that is having the disorder. Criticism can’t strain the flaws of the spouse, rather it spoils the relationship.
What does it mean when your husband constantly criticizes you?
In our society of human beings, we use the word “criticism” with a negative connotation. To us, criticism means finding those faults in the person that don’t even exist. Thus, the term criticism loses its original correct meaning at the very beginning of its utilization.
The word “criticism” is practiced on a vast scale but unfortunately understood at a low scale.
Criticism in relationships means pointing out the drawbacks of the spouses to help them overcome their faults and attain perfection. It is mutual cooperation that is considered healthy for relationships.
But in our social scenario, it is practiced negatively. So whenever we hear the word criticism, we take it as a negative connotation and thus the term loses its original and positive meaning. As we use and understand the “criticism” negativity, so in the devastation of relationships, it has a big role.
Constant criticism harms the marriage to the next level. If a marriage bond is as strong as a stone, the words of criticism are like the waterfall that can pierce that stone.
How to deal with a critical husband?
You have been with your critical husband for a considerable time. You have experienced his criticism. You have tested his negativity. Probably you have been cursing him for his critical nature if not by face, surely by heart.
But all these did nothing alleviating for you. The problem is still a problem. Now, it’s time to tackle the issue with new zeal and zest by utilizing some different strategies.
Here is what to do when your husband constantly criticizes you:
Be positive and consider the reasons.
Be positive, think positive, and make yourself ready to tackle the hindrance that is in the way of a happy married life .
From then to now, you have been in thoughts that being critical, your husband is wrong. He is wrong and advocates bad manners. There is no blinking about the fact. Then what?
In relation, problems come but we can’t live with the problems rather, we have to go for solutions.
Finding reasons is finding solutions.
We have discussed in the early part of the discussion that there is a proper reason behind his critical approach and because of that, now he is having a mental disorder. The individuals who suffer from the disorder are helpless in their doings. They are to look after and care for not to look down upon.
He is a victim of mental and psychological disorders, and that’s what you need to understand. He needs to be understood too, and it’s the point from where things will start getting better.
We, being human beings, show patience for a limited time. After that, we start responding naturally to the criticism, which is either to escape or a counter-attack.
Maybe you have been involved in one of these or even in both. If you have been, draw yourself back instantly. Don’t respond to his criticism. What he says lets him say until he is out of words and thoughts.
Let his negative battery be consumed.
Avoiding counter-attacks is an authentic way, are necessary to consume his negative battery of Criticism. He will start with all his might, but to carry it on, he needs your response, your counter-attack.
When you withdraw yourself, he will not be able to carry his criticism on. Though it is a kind of escape, it will prove its worth in the rehabilitation of the disorder.
Respond in short positive connotations.
Who likes a fellow with a critical approach? Certainly nobody. Even those who have blood relations with the critical fellow start avoiding him.
If we observe the other side of the picture, we would come to know that he is somehow pitiable as on one hand he is helpless by his cruel, critical nature and on the other hand, he faces the disliking of his near and dear ones So, after avoiding the counter-attack for some days, to move the process towards betterment, start giving him answers in short positive connotations like,
“Yes, I understand your concerns.
Yes, you are right. I will make things better.
Exactly it’s so, I should work on it.”
Though it seems that we are encouraging his critical behavior, we are actually calming him down so that he may start thinking positively.
Acknowledge some of his criticism.
Though his criticism is just nonsense, find something in it which can be justified somehow and try to correct those criticized aspects.
It will give him some boast that at least you care for his concerns. But keep in view just limited aspects that literally need to be improved should be considered.
Miss Sophie and her critical husband.
Miss Sophie was a decent and nice lady. She was the wife of Mr. John. He was not a terrible fellow either but had a critical nature before marriage to Miss Sophie.
He could not get rid of his critical nature even after the marriage, and now Sophie was his victim. In the beginning, she showed tolerance to some extent, but it did not work. She even went with hard counter-attacks, which too did nothing good but spoiled the relation to the next level.
She was a brave and energetic lady. Instead of shedding tears, on one pleasant evening, when her husband was in a good mood, she adorned her feminine traits and physique and sat beside Mr. John, his husband.
She started, “John, I can stand everything but your rudeness. I have flaws, I know. I should make myself correct. I just want your help. Instead of criticism, I want you to help me in becoming so, as you want. I am yours. Make me as you want.”
She repeated it three times in fifteen days and her critical husband started giving him good attention and advice. She also gained his cooperation. Instead of criticism, he came with good encouraging gestures. She gave herself just a touch of submissiveness and won her husband fully.
What we get from the story is that even in relationships, sometimes we have to draw back to make things more positive and strengthen our relation.
Effective communication can solve almost all problems. What it demands is to be ego and prejudice-free in the relationship. Spouses are the dearest and near ones to each other. They should listen to each other to understand.
In your case, after considering and applying the above-mentioned suggestions, sit with your husband whenever he is in a good mood and ask him if you want him to have some discussion.
Tell him that you love him above conditions. Tell him that everything is not perfect. There are drawbacks that can be overcome.
But to be critical all the time hurts you. And when you get hurt, what you miss is the care that you have for him. You just wish him to be with you. You just prefer him to stand with you even when you are wrong so that you may bring more in yourself that suits him.
Some good words with a love tone can bring positive changes in your spouse.