6 Easy Ways to Deal With a Negative & Critical Husband!

You can deal with a negative critical husband calmly, directly, and honestly using assertive skills and techniques. Being the wife of a negative critical husband, only you can fix his disorder.

To be negative and critical is not his will. There is a past; there are childhood wounds that have made him so. If he has become a negative, critical individual, he can also be a positive and appreciative fellow.

Knowing and understanding what is wrong with your husband’s behavior would not change him. The thing is that you can not directly change his behavior; the only thing that you can manage and change is how you react and deal with him.

You could not change him directly; rather, understanding and dealing with him in tactic ways would gradually change him.

Remember, you need to handle the difficult behavior, not with the person. What you need to learn is how to deal with the negative critical husband calmly, directly, and honestly by utilizing assertive skills and techniques.

You need to change your negative husband gradually
You need to change your negative husband gradually

You will learn that there are various aspects to being assertive. Here, being assertive is like being clear, honest, and certain about what you feel, what you want, and what you don’t want. You have to admit and often clarify the point of 

view of your husband. 

In this regard, you will need to negotiate, compromise, and, when it is necessary, stand your ground. You need to be eligible to recognize solutions and outcomes when your husband refuses to cooperate. 

You will need to avoid accusing and blaming or insulting him when he is negative and critical. Finally, you also need to understand how to come across with certainty, belief, and confidence.

Does it seem like there is a lot to understand and learn? Yes, there is. But you do not have to learn it at once. 

You do not need to put it all into the process at once. You don’t need to utilize it in an encounter with your negative, critical husband. You only need to remember to concentrate on one or two assertive techniques to start and make your progress done.

Why is he negative and critical?

Critical: Your husband is critical because of his perfectionist nature. He wants perfection in everything. Whenever there is something against his will, he cannot stay cool

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It is the point from where the criticism starts. He is sure that he is one and the only man who knows everything and he himself can deal with everything in the best possible way.

If he doesn’t find the things of daily use in their original place where he uses to put them, he just can’t stay normal. Everything he comes across should be perfect. It is the basic nature of critical people.

Why is he negative and critical nature of your husband
Why is he negative and critical nature of your husband

Negative: It becomes a dilemma when you have to deal with an individual who is not only critical but also negative in his approach. People who have a negative approach usually get hate from others. But as a matter of fact, negative people are pitiable. They come all with negativity and see the dark aspects even in daylight.

They don’t like to be like it. They are habitual in thinking so. Their negativity becomes their enemy and everybody starts avoiding them. Somewhere inside them, they need to be positive, but they find themselves helpless.

The peculiarity of a negative critical person.

Negative critical people usually don’t realize that they are difficult to deal with. They quickly get on people’s nerves with the habit to anticipate that something wrong is going to happen. They are sure about their thinking and hardly give ear to optimism. 

With a general sense of mistrust and a negative approach, they bring the mood down of their near and dear ones. In their pessimistic approach, they start blaming others even for the things that have not happened.

The peculiarity of a negative critical person
The peculiarity of a negative critical person

Some people are so entrenched in their negativity that they can’t even make a little room for positive things. They vanish all the hopes of good things. They intend to dash the hopes and discourage positive dreams. 

With their negative tendency, they speculate about people, and this speculation is all about negativity. Even if you are damn positive, they will require you to realize that there is nothing positive and there are no chances for any prosperity.

how to deal with a negative critical husband - Guide By RelationCounseling.org

Snobs and snobbery.

Self-appreciation is called snobbery and the people who self-appreciate are called snobs.

To some degree, we all feed our own inside demons and hardly acknowledge that we are wrong.

As for as negative critical people are concerned, they are snobs of the next level. To them, they are perfect and they are justified in demanding perfection. They can’t tolerate even a single moment that is against their will because they are obsessed with their perfection.

So be aware that your husband is not just negative and critical, but also a snob.

Here we are concerned to map out some ways to bring your negative critical husband on the track of normal life so that you may take a breath with solace.

1) Pitiable instead of hateable.

Being a wife first thing that you need to understand is that your husband is having a psychological disorder. He is negative; he is critical, and combining both of these attributes, he is snobbish too. He is not doing entirely as per his will; rather, he is compelled by either his perfectionist nature or childhood wounds.

Nobody wants to be hated. Everybody desires to be loved and liked. Somewhere inside him he too craves to be liked and loved. But the game of life is against him.

Pitiable instead of hateable to change the negative nature of your husband
Pitiable instead of hateable to change the negative nature of your husband

Being a wife of his, never detest his negative and critical approach, rather try to understand him and try to understand his problem. In relation, there are issues. Those can be psychological too. And they can be managed.

Be brave, be courageous, be his true companion and stand with him to get rid of his negative critical nature.

Even if he behaves rudely, somewhere inside him, he knows he is wrong and wants to make things good, but he is helpless. His helplessness can be changed in his courage only by your assistance.

Your helping hand, your cool mind, your tactful approach, and above all, your unconditional love and care can make him an ideal fellow in all the senses of the world.

He is a psychological patient. And patients are treated with love and care instead of hate.

You need to realize that he is pitiable but not hateable.

Your positive and managing approach can tackle half of the issue.

Related: How to make a guy want you!?

2) Look beneath the surface.

He is the kind of person who has cultivated a pattern of unassertive, aggressive behavior as a reaction to parents, teachers, siblings, or friends who used to be dominant and prominent. 

They didn’t allow him, as he was growing up, to express his feelings and emotions freely. At every age, there is a need for catharsis. One just can’t put all the emotions in all the time. He needs to be free of them. He needs to be released so that he may prepare himself for the new challenges. 

Unfortunately, he could not find such a scenario.

Look beneath the surface to find out why your husband has critical nature
Look beneath the surface to find out why your husband has critical nature

It is all there, but it is located under the surface. It can only be seen with the occultists of love and care.

Things are not as horrible as they appear, nor are they as good as we believe. Your husband is negative; yes, he is. He is critical, and there is no uncertainty regarding it. He has at least one good thing in his person. 

And that too needs to be counted. If his negative aspects are being considered, his positives should also gain value. And it is only possible if you start looking at the things beneath the surface.

Related: My husband treats me like I don’t matter!

3) Appreciation, appreciation, and appreciation.

There was a saint. Someone asked him which is the thing by which all the issues can be resolved.

He pondered; he then replied, “it is love.”

The reporter asked again,” what if the issue still remains unsolved.” He replied, then double the dose of love.

It’s the recipe for a happy life.

Your love for your husband can change him, and the starting point is to appreciate him for his good deeds. By appreciation, he will start thinking positively. And it is the start of a positive journey.

Everybody likes appreciation. Even those who are critical of nature find some mellow sweetness whenever they are appreciated. According to research and studies, appreciation inspires to do more good. It helps in getting rid of negativity. 

Even if your husband lacks worth appreciating attributes, even then, find some of them and start appreciating. You would be amazed by the results.

4) Identify his expectations.

There are certain things that he expects from you. You need to identify them and try to accomplish them as much as possible.

He expects from you regarding behavior and basic needs of life that usually husbands expect from their wives.

We all possess expectations about the right and wrong way that others ought to work toward us. When others are failed to meet our expectations, we start feeling disappointed.

We may expect our friends and family to be loyal, credible, and trustworthy.

We can also expect them to be funny and interesting. We may expect our colleagues to be cooperative and supportive.

Our expectations underpin our impressions of what a good sister or brother should be, what a particular friend ought to be, and how children and parents, or colleagues, ought to interact with each other.

Identify his expectations
Identify his expectations

We make a ghost in our minds about all these. And we want to see our thoughts materialize. If these conditions are not met, we come disappointed, upset, or angry.

If we internalize those feelings, we may react in a passive, withdrawn way or in an indirectly aggressive, hostile way. If we externalize how we feel, we may react indirect, hostile ways. But we may also react straightforwardly; that can be honest and calm.

If one always possesses high expectations of how the rest of the people should behave and treat him, he is boosting the likelihood of being let down. If we possess little expectations, we shall likely be taken advantage of.

Our expectations are more a matter of addiction than receptive intention. Usually, we are totally unaware of how our expectations can direct to misunderstandings, conflicts, and hostility.

Whatever is with expectations, your hubby doesn’t know. All he knows is that there are a few things that you should do for him and there are certain that should not be.

You, being his wife, should not compete with him because you know he is having psychological disorder but not you.

As you are sensible enough and want to adjust things, so try to fulfill his expectations, but remember just the legal ones.

Related: Husband doesn’t care when I cry?

5) Don’t hurt his self-esteem and confidence.

It is natural that if one is not behaving in good manners, we can’t react positively. But he is not one; he is your husband.

It is said that for the purpose of good days, we have to fight with bad days.

Don’t hurt his self-esteem and confidence
Don’t hurt his self-esteem and confidence

In this regard, if he treats you badly for the purpose of good, don’t yell back at him.

Try to give prestige to his self-esteem . If he is confident about something, don’t interrupt him. Wait for a suitable time to indicate that there can be a problem. These little gestures of love and care can earn you lots of benefits. Among them, a decent husband is above all.

Continue Reading: How to deal with a controlling husband?

6) Create some fun and develop intimacy.

We know that being a negative and critical fellow, he is boring. Having such a kind of nature, he can’t enjoy the bounties and beauties of life if there is someone who can make him enjoy it is you and only you.

Try to be jolly and create some fun at home. You can think of new ideas for fun according to the usual tastes of human beings.

Create some fun and develop intimacy.
Create some fun and develop intimacy.

Even try to develop intimacy between you people. He is bad-tempered; he will certainly not take any initiative. But you can and you should for the sake of good days.

In the start, your jolly nature and intimacy may not work. But hold on and don’t be disappointed.

Continue with the intention that one day he would realize how much important you are to him.

These little steps from you can bring a positive change. But remember, things take time. He will too take time but we are hopeful that soon you would enjoy the fruit of your work.


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Conclusion

Husband and wife both make a good and healthy relationship. But if one of them causes any problem, this ride of a healthy relationship gets disturbed. A negative and critical husband is one of them!

But he is not doing this attentively; it is his nature that makes him a critical individual who wants perfection in every little thing.

Living with a negative spouse is not that easy, and I understand that. It is why I, along with relationcounseling.org’s team, compiled this guide. Following this guide, your husband will not criticize you anymore. 

For other marriage guides, you can check our wife guides.

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Usman started his relationship back in July 2012. After many ups and downs, on 13 December 2020, he married the same girl. With 10+ years of a happy relationship, he knows how a relationship works, and the keys to happy relations. read more

   

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