Your wife hates you because she has lost emotional and physical interest in you. She is no longer captivated by your walks and talks. Her negative perception of you is the big cause of her hate for you. Whether she is justified in her stance of negative perception or not, is the latter stuff to be discussed.
Research says that those spouses who end up with bitter hate once had deep emotions of love for each other. 1
How did you conclude that your wife hates you? By some significant signs?
Yes, it’s a way to check out whether she hates you or not. Some of them are the following.
Signs Your Wife Hates You.
Her disrespectful and taunting tone, getting angry and sometimes even furious on small things, not communicating properly, her carelessness for you, her visible rudeness, everyday disputes, and avoiding physical intimacy are the sure signs that your wife hates you.
1) Disrespectful While Speaking.
The sweetness of the tongue is for those whom you love and care about. Those who are close to our hearts find our respect in all the departments of daily life.
When the hearts are fed up, the first change to be caught and glimpsed of is the way of communication.
If your wife hates you, she will disrespectfully address you. It’s humans’ basic instinct to be polite with those who are loved ones while being disrespectful to those who are hateable is also common.
If you have been noticing her continuous disrespectful2 and arrogant attitude towards you, it is a sure sign she hates you.
2) Getting Angry And Exhausted Quickly
Those who occupy the love room in our hearts and minds are sweethearts to us in all conditions. We tend to overlook their drawbacks and even their demerits become merits to us.
But those who fell off from our hearts face criticism even over tiny things.
Same the case is with you.
Your wife gets irritated with everything that you do. She can’t keep her head cool and gets angry immediately. As she starts with criticism, with its flow she exhausts herself quickly.
3) Poor Communication.
In the early stage of her hatred towards you, she will take long pauses, in communication. Then she will come with more taunts and less appreciation.
In the end, she will be all roasted for you. She will be mad at you and will not bother where and in front of whom she is insulting you.
It’s the peak of her hate that will devastate the relationship.
4) Her Dominant Carelessness For You.
You can feel a complete change in her caring nature for you. What you are doing, what’s important to you, in which areas you need her desperately, she has none to do with it. What is dominant is her carelessness about your person and the rest of the affairs of daily functioning.
She is unhappy with you and possesses no empathy for you. In her negative feelings, she will blame you for those things that even don’t exist.
How you feel, what is your emotional state, what about her parenting duty, she will ignore everything?
These things will be when she is at her peak of hatred for you.
5) Bursting Up On Kids.
If you have a kid or kids at home, you will notice as catching your glimpse she will scold them for no reason. She will try to convey that she is doomed with gloom and that you are the reason behind it.
She will not spend time with them, and in her frustration makes you feel bad about everything. She will even try to manipulate kids about you.
6) Her complaint stuff.
Wives, who don’t like their husbands, possess many complaints about them. It is a dominant sign that she will not only complain to you about your behavior but also tell others she is unhappy with you.
Being isolated, she will try to make you feel guilty and it will be her keen desire to make you apologize.
While having complaints about you, you will also notice her personality disorder as she will lack self-compassion.
7) Lack Of Self-Care.
It is also a warning sign that she will stop caring for herself if she has problems with you. She will be careless about her feminine beauty and will not dress up to fascinate your aesthetic sense.
Being alone she will make the domestic structure unpleasant, which will lead to an emotionally abusive relationship.
8) Lack Of Physical Intimacy.
Physical intimacy is the communication of emotions when there is true love. Its absence creates distancing that reaches to hate for each other.
As she is passive aggressive , she will have no interest in physical intimacy.
Even if she gets ready for it, you will feel her dullness in bed, as she will be emotionless. It will hurt you to the next level and maybe you will not be able to feel normal after this cold intimacy of hers.
9) Verbal Abuse.
Verbal abuse of your wife is also a sure sign that you are no more in her good books. In hatred for you, she will even self-harm. You will also notice her changed behavior with the rest of the family members if you have.
But it is only you who will be at her hot triggers.
She will hurt you, again and again, she will make you feel guilty, she will blame you, and in her hot temper, she will be all yelling and humiliating you.
Causes – why does my wife hate me?
Your nagging, belittling, criticism, untrustfulness, bad dealings in past, over-attention to work, irresponsibility to domestic affairs, and cheating on her can be the causes of your wife’s hate for you.
Nagging in relationships can be intentional and unintentional. Men usually don’t take everything seriously, especially at home. There are chances you have been unconsciously making your wife a victim of your nagging in the past.
You have been repeatedly assuring your wife about her duties with the impression that she is not good enough to deal with.
There is a possibility she did not react to this disliking, but somewhere inside her, she has been making piles of loathing which are now visible in her behavior.
Have you been suffering from a superiority complex ? Have you been assuring your wife that she is unimportant or inferior to you?
Perhaps you have not been saying so intentionally, but there are chances your body language or gestures sent her a message akin to it.
She did not reveal her anger or hatred instantly, rather she changed herself gradually and now she is all there denying your point of view.
3) Unnecessary Criticism and Control.
Men, being men, try to control their wives by unnecessary criticism. Whether your criticism was about her personality traits or behavior, it has destroyed your relation with your wife. 3
Positive feelings that she had for you are now being eroded.
The other factor for her hate towards you may be your controlling nature. Women also want to flourish themselves. They too have dreams to make their careers. When someone interrupts, whether they are their husband or father, they react only with their hate.
4) Bad Dealings in the Past.
How you have been dealing with your wife in the past? It is important to ask yourself if you have been dealing with her in poor manners or even with semi-poor manners?
Be accountable to yourself and find out whether you have been a good husband or not. You know, too, that it is hard to love those guys who have been treating you in unhealthy ways. To err is natural to man and apologizing or asking for forgiveness is also to the man.
5) Over Attention to Work.
If you have been overindulged in your official work and did not give enough time to your martial relation, it can also be the reason for your spouse’s hate.
Men plod dawn to dusk to provide their family comfort, but they neglect that they also demand good hours of happy gossip and cuddling.
If it has been so, you are right in your stance, but she is not wrong too.
6) Irresponsibility to Domestic Affairs.
If being over-responsible was a problem, then irresponsibility can also be the problem. Perhaps you have been trying to earn dollars for your family and she had been dealing with the household affairs with difficulty.
In other words, she may have been wishing for your helping hand in household affairs, but you did not notice. She took you as indifferent to her problems and nourished a ghost of negativity in her mind about you.
A bitter pill to swallow it is. But there are all possibilities. You need to look at your shirt front. Wives can stand many things, but they can’t stand the infidelity of their husbands. Ask yourself, have you ever cheated on her? 4
If you have, then go to her and confess. Things will get heated, but ultimately you will find a soft corner of hers.
8) Her Personal Bad Experiences.
Sometimes we find issues in other areas of life that affect our love life. At work, everybody is not our friend and well-wisher. There is always a race to get positions among people. 5
By hook or crook, they want to secure more points to get a higher designation. It can hurt straightforward people and can cause an irritated mood.
With this irritation, when your wife comes back home, you need to deal with her sensitively; otherwise, her anger will rise to the sky.
Your wife’s issues in her personal life or at the workplace can be the reason that is disturbing your relationship.
9) You daydream a lot.
Women love those guys who have great goals to achieve, and who have plans for a better future. A daydreamer can’t be their ideal at all, whether it is their husband. 6
There isn’t anything bad about daydreaming unless you do a lot! Daydreaming makes us not present in the moment, which can irritate your wife. It is because she tried to talk to you and you were not present there!
If you are a daydreamer, you might have noticed sometimes your wife is talking to you, and you were not giving that much attention. If this happens in your life, it can be a reason your wife hates you now.
What to do when your wife hates you?
If your wife hates you find out the reasons and then eradicate them. It will make your job done. Don’t assume things of your own rather, talk to her about your concerns. Be polite to her by giving her a good romantic time. Present her presents off and on. Consider her your girlfriend instead of a full-time wife.
1) Don’t assume things; instead, talk to her.
Sometimes we just assume random things which are far away from reality. That’s why it is always a better option to discuss things with your spouse. 7
There are chances she does not even hate you! Talk to her.
But, please do not approach directly to her; it may lead to a fight. Ask her gently that I am feeling a change in our relationship; is there anything wrong with me?
A polite discussion will lead to a solution. But you may need to talk to her at different times for a healthy sitting of discussion.
2) Give her presents.
Wives love presents and surprises. 8
More surprises can quickly melt her heart for your love. Plan some surprises; it can be a candle night dinner out, a movie, or any other gift for her.
A few months back, my wife was also angry with me. I gifted her earrings that she craved and finally got a surprising present. The results were amazing.
3) Be bold and respectful.
Being bold and respectful makes your manners sophisticated and enhances the chances of being treated with love and care. It is also valuable in getting the love of your partner. 9
Your respectful manners will occupy room in your wife’s heart, and your boldness would enchant him to a large extent.
4) Be patient and compassionate.
While having a bad time in a relationship, one loses patience. He just bursts up and loses the opportunity of reconciliation. Patience is key while you are rectifying a difficult situation. Compassion further assists us in grabbing our partner’s attention.
If she is harsh or behaves hostile, hold the shield of patience and compassion to survive her assaults. Soon, she would lose her power and come to normal functioning.
Further, she would be ashamed of her behavior, and more likely, she would apologize for it too.
Patience and compassion are antidotes to hatred.
5) Don’t try to control her; Be influential.
Don’t bother to control your wife’s hatred. It is something that is never in your hands. What is in your hand is to be influential!
It is up to you how you realize to her how much good you are to her, and what blessings she may have in carrying on with you as a partner.
By creating a pleasant environment, you indirectly compel her to love you.
It is said,
“you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.”
Apply it to your troubled relationship. You will find this impression true.
6) Be at the backfoot.
Being at the front foot, all you possess is aggression and anger to express. She is doing the same. So what will be the result? The devastation of the relationship.
If you are here, it means you want the solution that makes things good and pleasant for both of you.
So I recommend you to be on the back foot. Being on the backfoot will help you consider the various means to convert your wife’s hate into love.
7) Romance instead of sex.
If your wife hates you, it means you haven’t had any physical intimacy with her for a long. While being sexual, don’t be just sexual be a real romantic lover. 10
Men tend to have sex while women love romance. Keep this in mind, be romantic with her, and do not rush for sex.
8) Make her believe she needs you.
It is an important step. Husband and wife both need one another’s efforts to live happily. But, now, your wife has started hating you and started distancing herself from you.
It is time to make her realize she needs you.
You can do it by loving her more, giving her extra time, giving her more gifts, taking her out, asking for what she likes, and sometimes by giving her some space.
When things are not getting better, give her some space. You can go to your friends’ or family’s house for two days or a week. Meanwhile, your wife will start missing you and your love and will feel your value in her life.
But please do it when all the other steps are not working for you.
9) Things to avoid.
The following are points to consider. These will help you to finish the various issues even before they start.
Never be suspicious and don’t try to have a look at her inbox messages.
Don’t be disrespectful to her friends and family.
Don’t forget to give her space. It will crave her to have your partnership forever.
Never be closefisted in admiration and encouragement. Whenever she looks gorgeous or dressed up with something special, be the first to admire her. Even if she secures something in life, be there to clap for her.
Avoid show-off. Be clear and sincere. It would occupy you with her respect.
We, the relationcounseling.org, are hopeful that after utilizing the recommended steps, you will soon be admired and loved by your wife.
For more relationship counseling, you can also visit our site.
Your opinion is our union! 💕
- Jin Wang, Xiang Yanhui, Lei Mo. The Deeper the Love, the Deeper the Hate. Frontiers in Psychology 2017.
- University of Iowa Office of the Ombudsperson, 3/20. Examples of Disrespectful Behavior.
- Louis H. Primavera, Ph.D. and Rob Pascale, Ph.D. Power and Control in Relationships. University of Touro.
- Drigotas SM, Barta W. The Cheating Heart: Scientific Explorations of Infidelity. Current Directions in Psychological Science. 2001;10(5):177-180.
- Rafaeli E, Cranford JA, Green AS, Shrout PE, Bolger N. The good and bad of relationships: how social hindrance and social support affect relationship feelings in daily life. Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2008 Dec;34(12):1703-18.
- Yousaf, Anam & Ghayas, Saba & Rehman, Attia. (2021). R S S Association between Daydreaming and Relationships: A Phenomenological Study.
- Canevello A, Crocker J. Creating good relationships: responsiveness, relationship quality, and interpersonal goals. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2010 Jul;99(1):78-106.
- Ming-Hui Huang, Shihti Yu. Gifts in a Romantic Relationship: A Survival Analysis. Journal of Consumer Psychology. Volume 9, Issue 3.
- Frei, Jennifer & Shaver, Phillip. (2002). Respect in Close Relationships: Prototype Definition, Self-Report Assessment, and Initial Correlates. Personal Relationships. 9. 121-139.
- oo H, Bartle-Haring S, Day RD, Gangamma R. Couple communication, emotional and sexual intimacy, and relationship satisfaction. J Sex Marital Ther. 2014;40(4):275-93.