“My boyfriend has anger issues” (8 Authentic Ways To Deal!)

Teenage and early twenties are full of energy and excitement. Whether these are guys or girls, during this period of their age, they aim to shoot for the moon and land amongst the stars. 

Sometimes they find hindrance in the flow of their emotions, and consequently, they fall prey to anger. Being angry, they not only put themselves ill but also cause trouble for their near and dear ones.

Dealing with such angry fellows is an art. To make them back on a normal track is also an addition to this art.

In this article, you will learn what anger is, how it breeds and develops, and what are suitable ways to deal with an angry boyfriend. This article will also assist you in helping your boyfriend to overcome his anger issue. 

Thus, not only you will be able to get rid of his anger issues, but he will also be able to lead a hassle-free relationship life with you.

What Is Anger?

Anger is the emotion that activates when one’s expectations are hurt. One feels that they are being treated in such an undesirable way that they don’t deserve. To get their catharsis, they find it appropriate to flow their sudden emotions through uncivilized manners. It can range from showing little disgust to physical abuse. 

Usually, the center of anger is verbal abuse, which is seen frequently in unhealthy relationships.

Why My Boyfriend Gets Angry?

Your boyfriend is a sensitive-natured fellow. He always has optimistic conclusions about things even before they start. When he fails to find the anticipated results, he can’t stand the opposite results. Being helpless in hiding his emotions, he commits his catharsis by showing his anger.

Another reason behind the anger of your boyfriend can be his perfectionist nature. Such guys want to see life on its normal functioning track. 

To them, everything should be according to the pattern. When they are disrupted in finding their perceived results, they are not ready to accept them. This expression of theirs is found in their anger.

How Do I Calm My Angry Boyfriend - GIF

How Do I Calm My Angry Boyfriend?

You can calm your boyfriend instantly by assuring him that he is right. Your main motive should be to console his concerns. The sooner you console his concerns, the sooner he will calm down. 

Telling him that he is right and things will be corrected soon will demolish his arguments. As he runs short of his objections, he will have nothing to speak out about. After some strokes of gasping, he will calm down. 

During this period stay with him for a while but don’t speak anything and keep calm yourself. He should not find anything more to continue with his negativity.

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On the other hand, opposing your boyfriend when he is angry will add fuel to the fire. It will breed arguments and things will get spoiled. When he is angry, you need to be on your back foot. 

As time passes, you will have your opportunity to tell him that he did wrong, and hopefully, he will not only acknowledge it but also apologize for his behavior.

Domestic Help. ⚠️

If the relationship has become vulnerable and you are facing incessant verbal and physical abuse, it will be appropriate to seek domestic violence support. Visit this page for the national domestic violence hotline to tackle abusive behavior.

How Should I Act When My Boyfriend Is Angry?

It is a two-faced question. 

If his anger is only for one time or is off and on, being tactful and diplomatic, you can deal with the situation. You don’t need to act a lot, rather try to control your counterattack. 

It is hard to stay cool when your significant other teems with anger and aggression. If you get control of yourself, you have tackled half of the issue. Now tell your boyfriend that he is true in his approach and things will be settled according to his wish. 

If he is angry with you, don’t come up with explanations instantly, control your self-esteem. Try to speak less so that he may find no other questions from your words to carry on with his anger. Soon he will be semi-relaxed. Accompany him for some time without having a conversation. After that, leave the place with your good last impression.

If you frequently find him angry, it will be better to ask him to visit a psychiatrist to get rid of his disorder. Being his girlfriend, you can assist him in his visit to the psychiatrist and ask the psychologist about his anger management issues. 

Further, follow these recommendations.

My Boyfriend Has Anger Issues - how to deal with an angry boyfriend

How To Deal With An Angry Boyfriend?

If your boyfriend is not interested in a therapist, you can deal with his anger first by controlling your emotions so that you may avoid a counterattack and then take time to respond to him. 1 2

Also, don’t argue with him. Avoid explanations, and when things get cool, develop a pleasant scenario for result-oriented conversation. If the issue remains unsolved, give him a short space to make him realize your importance in his life.

1. Self Control.

Self-control is the key when you intend to control your boyfriend’s anger. If one of the partners is getting angry, it becomes difficult for the significant other to stay cool. 

To deal with your angry partner, it is appropriate to prepare yourself first. This preparation of yours includes being on the back foot and avoiding counterattacks. 

By this, you will be able to remain steadfast in your approach to handling your boyfriend even when he is at his extreme of anger. 

2. Understand His Disorder.

Humans are different. They are not wrong. Everybody has their own truths which they don’t want to be neglected. Even being close to each other in the bond of relationships, we are not fully aware of the orders and disorders of each other.

If your boyfriend is getting angry over tiny or huge things, you should understand that he is having a disorder (Passive Aggressive). 

People having disorders need to be understood and taken care of so that they may be able to turn to their normal lives. Understand the position of your boyfriend and accept his disorder to assist him in getting rid of it. 

Such a mindset will help you to control yourself emotionally and continue to work on your boyfriend without being disgusted with him.

3. Take Time To Respond.

When you find that your boyfriend is angry, take time to respond to him. 

Your quick response will assist him in finding the new objections. He will have new objections and there is a chance you also will lose your control.

Psychology says that usually, anger doesn’t last for a long time with the same intensity. As time passes, anger emotions start getting cool on their own. 3

my boyfriend has anger issues and it scares me

In this regard, even seconds matter. 

So while your boyfriend is angry, don’t respond to him for the first thirty seconds. Then if he insists, with positive intentions, be limited to short phrases to alleviate his concern about having your feedback.

4. Don’t Be Argumental.

He yells, “You are wrong. You did this. You did that. It’s disgusting. I can’t stand it. I had asked you not to be with him.” She responds, ” I did not do anything wrong. It is you who is always stuffed with negativity.” 

Thus, arguments start, and instead of making the guy cool, she herself gets heated.

It’s the vulnerability of arguments when you are dealing with your angry partner. Arguments are never a solution to the problem rather, they themselves become a problem in the relationship. 

So try not to argue with your heated boyfriend. Even if it doesn’t solve the issue, it will help in controlling the severity of the issue.

5. Avoid Explanations.

Giving explanations is also a kind of diving into the ocean of arguments. When one is angry, he demands the kinds of explanations that may soothe them. It means they want to feed their own demon of wrath without caring for others.

So when you are dealing with the angry version of your boyfriend, don’t try to console him by giving explanations. 

First, he will not give his ear to your explanations. Second, you will have nothing to say and do after giving these explanations and in such a scenario, you will spoil your mood. 

Prefer to take time. As the air gets pleasant, he will not only listen to you but will also understand your point of view.

6. Develop Communication.

The other day or the day after that, when you feel that he is in a normal mood, ask him if you want to communicate with him. If he agrees, tell him that he is a nice guy and you love him. 

But when he gets angry, it hurts you. Tell him he needs to work on himself. During this conversation, don’t blame him. 

Don’t try to convey to him that he was totally wrong, he should behave himself next time. It will again compel him to move toward his negativity. 

As you know that he is having a disorder and it is always considered a wise step to deal with such people with extra politeness and mellowness of tone.

7. The Master Stroke.

Some nice evening when you are too close to each other having physical and spiritual intimacy, hold his hand and tell him you want to say something to him. Your tone should be polite and a bit romantic. 

Start with, ” Honey, I love you. I never thought of anybody else without you. I want to have a relationship with you in the seventh sky. 

But when you get angry, it pounds in my heart. I can’t stand your anger. You are my whole. You are my strength. I can’t help living without you. I just want you to deal with me with love. I just seek your care for me.” 

And if possible, have some dew there in your eyes while performing these dialogues. It is guaranteed you will be amazed by the results.

8. Give Him Space.

It is human nature that when they have easy access to people, they hardly consider them special. They take them for granted and make them common by dealing with them in routine.

You are not the common one for your boyfriend and you should not be. To tell him that you are special and possess a lot of importance in his life, give him a short space. 

But this space should not be when he is angry. When you find that you have tackled the issue of his anger and now he is addicted to your person, give him space

Thus, he will come to know what a heavenly blessing he is having in the person of his girlfriend.

Conclusion

As, I said, controlling anger or dealing with anger is an art. It will take to become a master.

Make sure when your BF gets angry, you stay calm in order to control the situation. When he is angry, take some time to respond. It will let him calm down and let you tackle the situation better.

However, if your relationship is becoming abusive relationship, it is best to seek help from the domestic hotline.

I wish you all the best in dealing with your angry BF.

Your opinion is our union! 💕


References:
  1. https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/recognize []
  2. https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-with-an-Angry-Person-in-a-Relationship []
  3. Brans K, Verduyn P. Intensity and duration of negative emotions: comparing the role of appraisals and regulation strategies. PLoS One. 2014 Mar 26;9(3):e92410. []
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Usman Hussain

Usman started his relationship back in July 2012. After many ups and downs, on 13 December 2020, he married the same girl. With 10+ years of a happy relationship, he knows how a relationship works, and the keys to happy relations. read more

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