10 Ways to talk about Problems Without Fighting With Husband!

Your concern, “How to talk to husband about problems without fighting,” indicates that you have tried multiple times to talk with your husband about problems, but it failed, or even the result was not up to the mark.

Tacts and triggers that you knew have been applied, and now you want to try something different.

By your search, we have come to know that you want your husband to talk about problems, and you want to do it without fighting. Furthermore, this communication should be result-oriented.

We appreciate your optimistic approach and are all here to make the course of domestic life smooth for you. We certainly would not produce jingles and bumbles for you.

Being straightforward, we suggest you take the following steps wholeheartedly and also suggest a little bit of hold. You would be amazed by the results.

how to talk to your husband about problems without fighting - guide by relationcounseling.or

How To Talk To Your Husband About Problems Without Fighting?

To talk to your husband without fighting, first, work on yourself, and your way of talking, give your husband some space, be flexible to listen to your husband, never ever yell back, try not to argue, and try to appreciate him for things you like.

Not sure yet? Let’s discuss it further.

1) Work On Yourself.

If you desire to alter your husband’s quarrelsome nature, first you will have to change yourself. Usually, we expect others to behave in our desired way, but we forget that they want the same from us.

If he is quarrelsome, you should not be. If he starts the fight, you should not help him carry on. And all this can’t be done without bringing positive changes to you. 

First, analyze your nature, find out what sort of nature you are having. 

Then make yourself accountable to yourself. If you find flaws in yourself, try to overcome them realistically.

After the accountability, there should be an individual with a cool head, optimistic in approach, and cool-headed. After making yourself cool-headed, optimistic, and ego-free, you have prepared yourself as the one who can change anyone by utilizing her polite nature and sweet manners.

Before talking about problems with your husband, work on yourself
Before talking about problems with your husband, work on yourself

By adopting above mentioned traits, you have you possess that phenomenal yield that would not only save you from assaults but also make your husband ashamed for his previous behavior.

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So you just can’t neglect the reality that if you want to have discussed problems with your husband without a fight, first you will have to change yourself.

This change should be in both ways, mentally and physically.

Working on a mental approach would win you the desired results while working on a physique would be like, “Money for jam.”

It means giving some attention to yourself. Have charm in your personality. There are always chances that having a well-figured lady at home would make him forget about the fight.

Multiple studies have unveiled the fact that “The more the wife is physically charming, the more her husband becomes inclined to her.”

2) Let it be one hand.

Usually, it carries two palms to clap. We suggest letting it be one. Clapping would become impossible.

Fights demand two aggressive minds to last longer. If one becomes cool, the other can’t carry on anymore. Decide that you like to create the things and what may happen you would not be there to counterattack with your tongue.

You are already on the right side and sensible enough to understand that now you have to accompany your husband to make him walk with you so that the course of life may become enchanting for you.

Let it be one hand if you have communication issues with spouse
Let it be one hand if you have communication issues with spouse

For this, choose not to give your husband your hand for undesired clapping.

Choose not to counterattack.

Choose to make your head cool.

By these choices, he would lose that particular energy that has kept on in the fight.

By choosing these, you have almost defeated him in the very first round. All this defeat of his is the mutual happiness of you people.

3) Give Him Time and Space.

Coming to the important stage, we suggest you consider the value of time. To happen in the best possible way, there is always a proper time for things. You need to realize this too.

Whenever you want to discuss an issue with your husband, first select a suitable time for it.

As your husband is already not cooperating with you in solving the problems, so be more conscious about it.

If your husband is running a business or goes out for a job, it means that he remains out of the home almost for the whole day.

Give Him Time and Space
Give Him Time and Space

You know he remains out for work, so when he returns home, don’t be there to welcome him with a pack of problems. 1

Rather welcome him with a pack of warmness and love. As he has changed, offer him something to drink. Ask him to take a rest. 

If you do not inquire, still he would take a rest, but when you ask, it impacts well. It enhances your positive and loving gesture in his eyes. Furthermore, this gesture of yours would make him feel loved and positive. And that’s what you want too.

Be courteous to him for almost one week. During this, just discuss with him the routine matters.

If you have something amazing, share it with him. It would activate the hormones of happiness and he would forget about every negativity.

Though it will take some time yet, it would work.

4) Make Him Practice.

After one week, select a proper time when he is fresh active, and particularly happy.

Start with, “I want a favor. I am having a problem. I require your help, as I think with your help, I can tackle it in a better way.”

Remember, it is all about acting to make him practice responsibility. Actually, you don’t have that problem. 

Make him practice communicating without fighting
Make him practice communicating without fighting

It is just to make him realize and practice the problems. It is to push him conscious that he should deal with problems. Start with small household issues that can be settled in no time. It will develop in him a sense of responsibility. By tackling the problems, he would be more confident. 

The man who takes responsibility never gets afraid of problems. And that’s what we want to make him.

“A man who says yes to problem-solving instead of escape.”

5) Be flexible in your approach.

You should be realistic in your approach and should know that things take time to correct. He will not start cooperating immediately. He will take time to become a partner in problem-solving. And he will not abandon the quarrelsome nature at once. 

So, having all this in mind, be flexible.

For example, if you notice that as you start saying something about problems, his expressions change abruptly. Detain it at once and say, “No problem. If you’re not comfortable, we would discuss it later.”

It would conclude the fight before it starts.

Be flexible in your approach if your husband fight while talking
Be flexible in your approach if your husband fights while talking

And the more positive thing about it is that he has received the message that there is some problem that needs to be settled.

This flexibility and backfoot approach of yours would compel him at least to think about the problems.

Calmness and coolness should be there on your face. Even passive-aggressive expressions should not be encouraged. As you recommended the other day for discussion, don’t stay there anymore. Leave him alone. Now he is sitting or standing with the sense that there is a problem.

6) Never Yell back.

Even if you face his most aggressive behavior, don’t yell back at him because it will spoil all the hard work that you have done so for.

Waste can’t be washed with waste. 

Never yell back if your husband if fighting with you
Never yell back if your husband if fighting with you

We always need pure water to deal with waste. Same the case is here. His yelling and passive behavior will be washed out with your polite manners.

7) Try not to argue.

Have you ever sensed like you know that you are right, but your husband does not understand it? 

Certainly, you have felt like it. And then every once in a while, you just have to have something go your direction?

For some of the people, the emotion of urgency pushes them into using some of these sorts of approaches:

Speaking more loudly to bring up proof.
Speaking with an accent of urgency.
Rejecting to let the matter detain.
Following the other fellow from place to place or room to room.

These strategies are counted in arguments and create problems. A raised mouthpiece is considered an attack. Urgency in arguments comes across as anxiety or frustration.

If the positive conversation remains on track, there are always chances to solve the problem. If it twists into an argument, it can’t be fruitful; rather, you might need something else or a new strategy.

8) Effective ways to talk about problems.

Let’s have a glimpse at some of the destructive ways some people use during a discussion on relationship issues. Distinguish these into some decent ways to cure a difficulty instead:

Do not gaze or glare: Do not glower, grumble, or go silent to obtain an outcome. It creates a hindrance in judgment. It does not help in understanding. There are more chances that by doing so, your husband will be in a more aggressive mood.

Effective ways to talk about problems
Effective ways to talk about problems

Do be fair and clear: In polite manners, as we have discussed in earlier points, tell your husband that you are upset. Without blame, try to say what you are the problem with: “It hurts when you don’t stand by me. I am nothing without you.”

But Not this one: “What the hell is with you? Why can not you cooperate in problem-solving?”

Try this one: “I was seeking your help. Maybe you forgot it nearly, and I feel like, without your help, it is hard for me to deal with problems.”

Do not presume: Never anticipate your husband knows how you are feeling. There are more chances that he can’t figure out on his own what you actually want to happen.

Do explain with the sweet tongue: Tell your husband that his indifference hurts you. Be fair and clear about what you like and need.

Not this one: “You can’t, and you will never understand the problems. If you may know, by now, you should know the problems.”

Try this one: “I like you to know how upset I am about problems. Only you can understand me. I would want some support from you.”

Do not be personal: Always avoid put-downs, defamation, or name-calling. Terms like “selfish,” “careless,” or even terrible and nasty names worsen the problem. Verbal attacks do nothing but spoil the relationship to a large extent.

Do come with experience: You should focus on what went on for you. Usually, counterattack or clean anger contracts with behavior instead of character.

Not this one: “You said while going out that you would get the milk. Is it not possible for you to act together for once?”

Try this one: “I was upset and stressed when I found no milk for the kids. I also know you did not mean to forget about it. We were just waiting for you to come.”

This little change in words and tune can bring a big difference. It would help you in getting your husband’s assistance in problem-solving without fighting.

9) Appreciate Him.

As he starts taking a little bit of interest in problem-solving, be there to encourage him. Certainly, there are some guys who are not fine enough to manage and tackle the problems. 

Appreciate him to calm him down
Appreciate him, calming him down

To conceal their incapability, they start fighting whenever they are asked to take responsibility. They lack confidence. If they are given the confidence, they can be better. And when they start taking responsibility, applause and words of encouragement help them carry on. 

So we come to know that it is the appreciation that motivates us to escalate the good work.

10) Be limited in your expectations.

As you already are facing problems involving your husband in the responsibilities of life, so don’t expect unlimited stuff of goodness from him. By doing so, you would hurt yourself.

At the start, be limited in your expectations. If you started expecting more from him, both of you would end up in a fight.

Be limited in your expectations to avoid conflicts
Be limited in your expectations to avoid conflicts

You should know that he is already incapable of solving household affairs, so let things be in peace by avoiding over-expectations. As he grows in taking responsibility and becomes cool-headed, you can go forward with your expectations.

If you want, honey never spoils the beehive. Beehive, though, without honey looks absurd, yet getting honey without it becomes impossible. 

Now your beehive is not comfortable, but by utilizing our suggestions, your soft work will earn you honey. You would be able to call, “Honey, I have a problem.” And “Honey” would certainly sound back as “Yes, my love, I am all for you.” 

For this, just stick to your goal and keep trying. You would get juicy fruit soon.

How Can I Talk To My Husband Without Fighting Infographics
All points in one picture.

How do I disagree with my husband without fighting?

To disagree with your husband without fighting, hold on when he is speaking. Listen to him to understand. Don’t interrupt him until he finishes his dialogue. 

When he is done with his point of view, if you have other views or suggestions, convey them to him politely. 

Don’t try phrases like “No, you are wrong. No, it can’t be so. No, I don’t want this.” Negative connotations should be avoided to encourage him to give prestige to your ideas. 

Don’t nag, be polite, and have a smile on your face even when you disagree with him. This positive body language and outlook of yours will stay your husband calm. 

Also, consider the time and place where you are disagreeing with him. Easy and comfortable sitting of discussion reduces the risk of unnecessary arguing among couples.

How do you discuss something with your husband without arguing?

Argue does not breed single-handedly. It always takes two to clap. 

If you want to avoid arguing with your husband, put the ball in his court and listen to him until he has finished. Listen to him to understand and not reply to his words. 

Be his optimistic and encouraging partner in a way in which he himself may admit that you can listen to and understand him. 

Don’t cut him off while he is halfway through his dialogue. Don’t smirk and never taunt. Be pleasant and be a good listener. 

While he is speaking, if you have objections, note them there in your mind to tell him when he is done with his words. The more you will be courteous and diplomatic in your approach, the less are chances of arguing. 

If you detest some of his ideas or there are undesirable views of him, listen and don’t come up with a counterattack through words. Rather, tell him you are uncomfortable now and you will discuss it some other day. And literally, when both of you are in a good mood, differences can be discussed in a pleasant atmosphere. 

How can I avoid fighting with my husband?

You can avoid fighting with your husband by taking a step backward and dealing with the situation with a diplomatic approach. Whenever you find him fightsome, try not to argue by leaving him alone. 

Psychology says that mood, whether it is good or bad, can’t last more than 30 minutes. If he is in a fit of fury, he will be relaxed after the due time. What you need to do is not try to pacify him. 

Don’t try to show your anger. Just wait. As you find him in the best pleasant version, tell him about your concerns. Now he will listen. But the aspect of nagging and taunting should not be there in your tone. 

Give him a loving dose, take his love dose. Even if he hesitates to render it soon, he will double it later. The condition is to put your ego aside and use your feminine version with a touch of diplomacy.

How to talk about relationship problems without fighting?

Relationships are heavenly gifts to humans on this beautiful planet of God. But as the course of life never runs smoothly, the same is the case with relationships. 

With the passage of time, there come problems in relationships. But the good thing is, they can be adjusted with a little effort. So whenever you want to talk about relationship problems with your partner, be fair and clear about your demands and words. 

If a dispute has aroused, take time to let it pass so that severity may be reduced. Discuss the things to listen and understand each other’s point of view. Acknowledge your partner’s worth for you. Make new plans and agree on them. 

Things will be settled without fighting.

According to the bible how to talk to your husband without fighting?

The Bible suggests, be submissive to your husband as you are submissive to the lord. 

In its wisdom lines, the Bible suggests that wives should be quick in listening, slow in tone, and sluggish in getting angry. 

God says, allow me to soften your spouse’s heart for you. It means that being a wife when you intend to talk to your husband, be soft in your words. 

Tell him politely about your concerns. Listen to him carefully and when he is done, convey to him your point of view. If he disagrees, come with logic. But never discuss the things to win the argument. 

Discuss the things to adjust them. It is your positive disposition of mind that will assist you to avoid fighting with your husband.


There are many ways to communicate with your spouse, but when it changes into a fight, there is something wrong!

Hence, now, you are searching for ways to discuss problems with your husband without changing the discussion into a fight.

Husband and wife are both strongly connected with each other, and they have to ensure that things keep working fine. But some men are not pro problem solvers!

Here, it is the wife’s duty to understand his husband’s problem and try to solve this. To help you, strong lady, we compiled this guide. These 10 steps will improve your communication and let your husband realize the problems.

If you still have any concerns, you can reach to us at [email protected]

Your opinion is our union! 💕

  1. https://hbr.org/2016/04/how-to-not-fight-with-your-spouse-when-you-get-home-from-work []
Usman Hussain

Usman started his relationship back in July 2012. After many ups and downs, on 13 December 2020, he married the same girl. With 10+ years of a happy relationship, he knows how a relationship works, and the keys to happy relations. read more

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