If you are a woman and having a relationship with a bossy partner, then it indicates you are almost prisoned in the cell of his laws and limitations.
And if you are having a better half who is dominant in the family affairs, it also means you are suffering from mental torture.
In such cases, one wants to have a solution to this absurd yet depressing question, “How to handle a controlling husband?“
Let’s discuss it further and discuss how to handle the abusive behavior of your partner.
The passion for idealism.
First thing, life is not rosy for everyone. Even if it is rosy, certainly there are some thorns. We have to pick our rose, avoiding the thorns.
Sometimes, during picking the rose, we are so passionate that we ignore that with the rose, we are also picking the thorns.
It does not mean that after having a realization that there are thorns with the rose, we should drop the rose. Rather, we have to separate the thorns carefully so that we may have a flawless rose.
You got it right.
One’s partner is actually a rose for her. And his drawbacks or faults are the thorns that she has to pick wisely so that she may enjoy the beauty of his character and smell the fragrance of his personality.
To say, things are straightforward, but to go through the process is a bit difficult, but certainly, it is not impossible.
Bossy Vs. Controlling – How to check the validity of our question?
Being controlling, there are certain aspects in his personality.
Here are a few of them; you have to determine whether he possesses these or not.
How to identify?
1) The controlling or bossy husband has a ruling nature.
2) At home or outside, he behaves like a boss.
3) He considers the household affairs as a given assignment and wants it to be completed in a given time.
4) Even doing your best to cover all his things to do, he never bids thanks, or he never has gratitude for you.
5) He seems suspicious about your relations with others, especially with males.
6) You are dependent on his choices. Whether or not you are moving to that particular function.
7) Going outside, he criticizes your dress by saying that it is bold even if it is not.
8) Being outside for dinner or lunch, he compels to have that particular dish and ignores your selection.
9) At home you have to cook of his choice. He never thinks for your taste.
10) While deciding about a particular matter, he never takes your advice. Rather he just announces his own decision.
12) Even if he is not finding his socks or tv remote, he accuses you for it.
13) Even if there is no problem at all, he has the ability to find it by some means.
14) He looks pessimistic and always looks for the dull side of things.
15) He always tries to emphasize that he is superior and he can handle things better than you, so you should not mess up with any matter.
If he is having 7 to 8 attributes that we have mentioned above, it certainly means that you are having a controlling husband. 3
The situation becomes quite painful for you and if you are living with this type of partner, all the sympathies in the world can be rendered on you.
But then what?
You have only one life. You can’t spoil it with this type of fellow.
As we have mentioned in the earlier part of our discussion that every rose has thorns with it. We can’t find anyone without thorns. So it comes to us that we have to separate these thorns from our rose.
It simply means that you should be proficient in your work that how to pick these thorns away from your rose.
Yes, you got it correctly, we have to change his ruling and bossy nature as we have a problem with his nature, not with him.
Why he is trying to control you?
There can be many reasons, like:
- Psychological disorder: Your husband might be facing any personality disorder such as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). It also triggers the controlling behavior.
- Anxiety or stress: He might be controlling you to cope with his anxiety. It may sound weird, but some people do so. 4
- Bossy nature: People with bossy nature do try to control individuals to satisfy their inner self.
- His perfectionist nature: He might be trying to control you to do daily tasks with perfection because he has a perfectionist nature.
Please note that there might be any reason, but abusive behavior is unbearable.
Domestic Help. ⚠️
If the relationship has become vulnerable and you are facing incessant verbal and physical abuse it will be appropriate to seek domestic violence support. Visit this page for the national domestic violence hotline to tackle abusive behavior.
Controlling behavior can cause abuse.
Abusive behavior comes when a husband tries to control his wife. It can be the cause of abusive relationships.
Here are a few defined abusive types:
- Physical abuse
- Emotional abuse or verbal abuse
- Sexual abuse
- Financial abuse
- Digital abuse and stalking
How to deal with a controlling husband?
If there is little to no abuse or physical violence, then the controlling behavior of your husband is manageable. With some effort and time, you can change your husband from abuser to lover.
1) Give him full time to complain.
First, as you know, he is having a problem so he will complain. If he starts, don’t interrupt him. Give him full-time for his catharsis as he is also a human being, not a robot machine, so he will end up with his words.
2) Avoid abrupt responses.
After listening to his complaint, never try an abrupt response. Your sudden response will give him the energy to move forward in his complaint and there will not be a single complaint; rather, you would have complained.
3) Stay silent just for 30 seconds.
These 30 seconds are very crucial. In thirty seconds, our hormones regarding to feeling start stabling and usually, we come back to our normals in just 30 seconds.
4) Accepting response.
Your response should be accepting. If you try to prove him wrong at the same time, it will raise his negativity about you.
5) Stay cool and humble.
Your cool and humble behavior will prove a bucket of icy water on his rude and controlling behavior.
These are some tips to avoid a long clash. These will help to cool down the things at their initial time of burning.
Now, after avoiding the early rudeness, we have to plan for the eradication of his bossy nature.
6) Work on yourself.
First, you have to work on yourself. You have to admit that you are sensible and you should save your relationship.
If anyone can help you in this matter, it is only you and no one else.
You are to make your rose thornless wisely.
If you split anger or rudeness under your heels, then have a belief that the others, which are looking beautiful and thornless far away, also have thorns.
So it will be a wise decision to work on yourself to make you proficient in your assigned work. Your little bit of calmness is going to render you the sweet fruit.
Related: what a husband needs from his wife
7) A spoon of courtesy.
A spoon of courtesy reacts like a pain killer injection. Be courteous to him even when he is imposing his decisions on you. Have a smiling face. It will give him no chance to be bad-tempered.
8) A sweet pill of love.
When he is in a mood, try to give him a pill of love. Try to convey to him by your love performance that you love him. Try to make him acknowledge that he is the man to whom you consider his real man.
Related: make him realize he needs you
9) Passion during sex.
During sex, you need to be an active partner. Make him and yourself horny.
Sex should not be just sex. It should be so romantic that he becomes an addict to your horny feelings. To be a horny partner is a blessing for your man.
If you try it, believe only this simple tip can tackle 50 percent of your problem. According to our research, we discovered that women who are horny during sex, their husbands are more satisfied and happy toward them.
10) Have some physical attraction.
Try to look beautiful when he is at home. It will calm down his bossy behavior and he will start having feelings for you.
All the love that you showed and performed according to our suggestions and with your actions and words has now started to give you feedback. But still, the game isn’t over.
Still, you need to change his bossy nature fully.
11) To realize him his fault.
Last but not least, the thing is to realize to him that he is a human being. Like other humans, he also has some drawbacks in his personality. Give him your example.
Find 1 or 2 bad things in you and give him and quote them as an example.
Make sure that during this type of discussion, his mood and your tune should be fresh. Try to covey him with the sweetness of your tongue that his controlling nature hurts you and you start to think whether you are having a bad character so he tries to produce barriers.
Have a bit of acting of tragic heroine too during this talk. It will help you in melting his heart.
Learn: what to do when your spouse says hurtful things
We are hopeful that after these steps, he will change his behavior. Though the result of this counseling can take time yet, your whole-hearted keenness will give you fruit if you apply it with full zeal and zest.
Have faith that if one can turn bad, he can be turned good too. The only factor that is required is love. It is the love that can pierce the stone.
Our continuous struggle is like a waterfall that has the power to change the nature of a stone.
So be confident about yourself and your skills. We have staunch hope that after considering and applying the witty tips of relationcounseling.org, you shall soon overcome the rude, controlling, and bossy nature of your husband.
Your opinion is our union! 💕
- Alan C. Kerckhoff (1972) Two Dimensions of Husband-Wife Interaction, The Sociological Quarterly, 13:1, 49-60.
- Power and Control: Break free from abuse. National Domestic Violence Hotline. Retrieved from: https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/.
- Keeton CP, Perry-Jenkins M, Sayer AG. Sense of control predicts depressive and anxious symptoms across the transition to parenthood. J Fam Psychol. 2008 Apr;22(2):212-21.