Expectations vary from person to person. The first thing that we expect from others is good behavior.
When we come to gender, the phenomenon becomes more complex. Often, women expect from men to behave as women do.
On the other hand, men don’t understand what is meant when a woman complains,” I do everything for my husband and he does nothing for me.”
To clear out the bumble, we have to clarify what is meant by “Do” and “Does.”
To her, ” do” merely means all the assigned duties have been accomplished. From financial support to household duties, everything is done by her in the finest possible manner.
“Does nothing” means his availability has not been up to the mark. It also means that expectations are not fulfilled. So we come to the conclusion that it is a game of expectations and satisfaction.
One can’t be designated as an ideal fellow in this game until he understands the feelings of his partner.
Why does my husband do nothing for me?
It is a bitter but staunch and acknowledged fact that we just feed our own demons in all the conditions. Rarely do we bother about the circumstances from which our partner is suffering.
During the preceding decades, life has become more dynamic and innovative. Things keep rolling and we willingly or unwillingly have to crawl with them to keep pace with the modern world.
Though modern technologies have assisted us a lot in our communications, yet something is lacking.
We are compelled to be within limits. We just ask about the things that are vital to us. After having the answer, whether or not it is satisfactory, our concern is alleviated and we move forward.
So, even with increased independence and having successful careers, we feel isolated and alone at home. This vulnerable situation is affecting our relationships. When one is not fully fresh, he can’t pay attention to the feelings of his partner.
Resultantly, both men and women are having coldness in a romantic relationship.
Either one is single or committed, too much stress of the modern world is pressing him heavily.
There comes a time when “he” and “she” both start thinking, either I am a servant/Maid to him/her.
Actually, no one is a servant of anyone. We just can’t do all our work by ourselves. So others do ours and we do theirs to maintain balance.
Something is missing.
Usually, we are so much tired that we can hardly refrain from finding love feelings for our partner. Rather, there are more chances that one may behave with a bad temper because of tiredness.
After earning enough money to encounter the needs of daily life, one feels everything is good and fine in life, but still, something is missing.
Do you know what is this “something”?
It is a forehead kiss having hands-on shoulders.
It is a little naughty whisper while knotting hands-on back.
It is the sweet sound of the day that conveys, ” Honey, take care you shall be missed.”
It is the touch of fingers to say goodbye before leaving for work.
It is the warm hug adorned with a smile to say welcome back.
Though these little acts of love cost nothing yet, we can’t buy these from the market. These are feelings that help us smile and live life in a real sense.
These alluring, fascinating, and sensuous feelings of love, care, and affection are actually missed. That’s why she complains, “my husband does nothing for me.”
Actually, this “nothing” never means nothing. It simply means having or doing everything but missing love and care. So, without love and care, everything becomes nothing.
Then, from dawn to dusk, after mental and physical toil, one starts steering towards home. For home?? But why??
So that he may refresh himself so that he takes a rest with a good dose of love. It is going to be helpful to prepare oneself for the next day. And here is the actual point to understand.
Step at threshold should not be meant that the job is over. The climax of the job starts now.
Understand The Situation.
One should utilize the last of his energy cell before taking a rest. This last cell can convert the battery to full charging if some time is spent in taking and giving love. It can realize both the partners that actually they are real energy to each other.
“She” should understand that “He” stays busy and sweats from heart and soul to provide with the things that his family needs.
“He” too should have the realization that “She” is having more burdens like the job and household affairs; both these press her heavily. “She” applies her maximum best to support him and her family.
Here, “He” forgets why ” She” does so and what should be the return of her doings? If “She” is not getting appreciation, then it hurts. Hard work becomes normal if one appreciates and gives dedication.
Even if both “He” and “She” are asserting themselves fully to have a stable and happy life in the end, they forget that after big deeds to earn money, little acts of love and care can make their inner and outer scenario heaven.
Coming to the complaint, “He is not behaving in a good manner or does nothing to make me happy,” we can safely assert that several studies have confirmed that it comes natural to humans that they forget 99% that you have done for them but will remember one thing that was missed.
Furthermore, the survey of psychological research on relationships has confirmed that we don’t burst up only because of one thing.
Prior to this particular one thing, we pretend that we don’t care; we start ignoring the little heartaches.
But inwardly, we are not ignoring but are saving very neatly and with sequence. We just save those pains and pangs inside and make a volcano of them and then it is ready to produce a blast of talk.
To its start, it just needs a little act of rudeness, or even a vague gesture would be enough. As soon as this happens, “She” just bursts up and he becomes astonished that all this hue and cry over a little thing!
No, it is not because of that little act. It is the result of those negligences that were not considered. Now, they were turned into a pile of complaints.
Things are started on a short scale, then gradually reach their maximum level. Things that are important to us, we consider them important to all and which is not a matter of consideration to us, we suppose it is also futile to others.
From these little indications, “He” and “She” start to be indifferent to each other. We can understand this situation by following the column.
Argumental Comparison: SHE Vs HE.
Let’s honestly compare the arguments.
|1. He proves dirty some. Things are scattered about here and thereafter; he leaves the house.||I find difficulty in sorting out things. I find difficulty in finding the articles of daily use.|
|2. We both work to meet our financial needs, but after returning home, my household job starts while he lays there on the couch to take a rest.||She is habitual about complaining. She always finds something to start a fight. Her tune is always ironic.|
|3. It hurts when I am busy in the home like a maid, and he enjoys TV.||She is a busy bee. Why she can’t take a rest??|
|4. He forgets everything. Relating to me and home, nothing is important to him. I just can’t rely on him.||She just recollects my mistakes. She taunts whenever she finds a chance.|
|5. There are so many things to care about at home, but he is indifferent to everything.||When I offer help, she refuses by saying, “No, I can do it better myself.”|
|6. Trying to communicate with him is useless. He abruptly turns to a bad temper and starts giving advice.||She dislikes it when I spend time with buddies and complains I am not having much time with her.|
|7. Instead of finding solutions to the matters, he just starts his lecture.||My helping hand is never considered. She never acknowledges that I assist her.|
|8. His rude and irritant behavior has just closed my heart doors to him.||When she has a problem with everything, I feel it is useless to talk with her.|
|9. Prior, he tries to be more affectionate and interested, but now he is ignoring me.||She is always emotional. She just can’t take life easy.|
|10. For romance, he has no time. Work, TV and sleep are everything to him.||When my mood is romantic, she is busy with her own tasks.|
|11. One and only touch that I get from him is during sex.||She has become so tiresome and irritating that I can hardly find sensuousness in myself.|
|12. What I listen to after spending time at home, having care of kids and handling all the hue and cry, “What the hell you did round the day?”||Whenever I am busy with kids, she starts correcting me on what to say and how to say it.|
These are the complaints from “He” and “She.” Do these sound realistic?
Yes, these are. But to what extent?
What to do when your husband does nothing for you?
These are fair sufficiently to move closer to separation or divorce.
Then what’s the solution?
We are having one life; how can we afford it to be ruined by separation or divorce?
We can tackle the above situation with a little counseling, compromise, and enough communication.
If you have noticed, these complaints from both sides are realistic and can be justified, but it is not impossible to eradicate them.
“She” has to acknowledge if the relationship is moving, it is not just because of her “He” also has some contribution. “She” needs to admit that he still has something good in himself.
And if “She” wants to know what is that “good” and also wants to have solutions, here is the most authentic advice.
The best solution is to take a break. We can’t understand the importance of a person until we lose him.
As it is said,
“To whom you call a world is merely a magic toy. If you find it, it is valueless; if lost it, it was a golden guy.”
So, lose him temporarily. Take a break. Go to your comfort zone or home that you think is actually comfortable. Spend some time there.
Learn how to give him space effectively.
Then feel the change in yourself without him. Whether it is positive or bad, just feel it. It’s not going to take much time.
Within a day or two or a maximum in a week, you would know how good or bad he is, what he used to do for you, and whatnot.
Now, are you feeling missed him around you? Are you feeling empty at breakfast and at dinner?
If you are missing, then admit he used to do things for you, but you did not consider.
And one more thing, he is also missing you. Contact him immediately and give him a warm hug. Tell him you love him and want to be loved by him.
So, to me, this week can save your relationship and you can come to know what blessings you are having with him.
Then one more thing.
“He” is always tempted by beauty. And good looks are not only about face; beauty is more about beautiful physiques and shaped figures.
Charm is not only fair colors and silky hair. Beauty is in the way in which you act and behave. If you can allure him with your walk and talk, believe it, you are beautiful.
Give some attention to yourself. “He” shall start giving attention to you too. You have always been staying busy in household and careers jingle and did not pay attention to yourself. Now it’s time to work on the most prolific and vital duty.
If you think it is impossible to shape your physique, you are wrong.
Nothing is impossible. Just make it your goal to have the best figure and start working for it. Soon you are going to have your fruits.
Actually, most of the things are about priorities. Give priority to the figure he is just starting towards firmament to have stars for you.
“He,” who is our concern, always has temptation for beauty. So make yourself beautiful not only for him but for yourself too. Because being beautiful makes us feel good and happy.
Also has a little of sweetness under the tongue. Both combined can be handier.
Even if we turn the pages of history, we shall come to know that “He” has been conquered by beauty. Whether it was facial or physical or walks or talks, it has created an everlasting impact on him.
When “He” will be impressed, tempted, and allured, he will do everything for you. After working on yourself, you can check the success by moving your index finger to make a gesture to call him.
He will be following you even with thin thread. And then you will not have to say, “I do everything for my husband, but he does nothing” Rather, you would listen, “He does everything that she asks him to do.”
I Do Everything For My Husband And He Does Nothing For Me?
If you do everything for your husband and get nothing in return, take a little break. Ponder on the issues from all angles.
Be accountable to yourself whether you are justified in your demands and expectations from your husband or not.
If yes, then communicate with him and tell him about your concerns. Tell him, being half of his whole, you want him to give you attention. Keep the tone polite.
Repeat this communication after three or four days for a month. If you still don’t see any change, visiting the nearby marriage counselors will be a better idea.
How Do You Know If Your Husband Does Not Care About You?
If your husband does not care about you, you can know it by his indifference towards you.
Being a romantic partner, you will find that he is uninterested in you for a considerable time. He finds no charm in your presence. While you are around him, he will neglect you.
On the other hand, being with you for a considerable time, his boredom will be visible. What he wants, what are his priorities, he will be conscious about. But when it comes to yours, he will neither take care nor give ear.
What To Do If Your Husband Does Not Care About You?
If your husband does not care about you, start polite communication with him. Avoiding the “blame shame” culture, tell him that you are at his residence because of him.
Tell him that without you, I am nothing. I want your attention. If he reacts rudely, be on the back foot instead of counter-attack.
Give him no room to argue so that he may not be able to prove you wrong. Besides communication, start giving him more attention in return for his carelessness.
Also, enhance your famine beauty to allure him. Be a beauty by tongue and physique. Within a month, you will notice his restored interest in you. Probably he will be ashamed of his previous dealings with you.
Why Is My Husband Not Responsible?
Your husband is irresponsible because either he is a coward and thinks he is unable to take responsibility or he has been dealt with in a way in which he was assured that he is not good enough to deal with the responsibilities of daily life. 1
Maybe in his teenage years, he had been told that he was not too good to assign responsibilities and gradually he accepted it as truth. After being married to you, he could not get rid of that wounded child from his inside who faced a lot of criticism at an early age.
So he still has doubts. He still feels that he is not good enough to alleviate your concerns. The other reason is none except he is irresponsible because he wants to seek escape from the responsibilities of life.
What To Do When Your Husband Is Not Responsible?
To make your husband responsible, you will have to vacant the driving seat of the household responsibilities. You will have to make him present. You will have to make him assured that he is capable of meeting the responsibilities.
Thus, he will get confidence.
In the start, he will evade, but if you insist with love and heart, he will at least try to do something. Find something good in that “something” of his and appreciate him for that.
The more you will appreciate him, the more he will be dared to take on challenges to satisfy you.
Why Is My Husband Careless?
Your husband is careless because he takes things for granted. He may be a goalless person in life. He probably is the apostle of the epicurean motto, “Eat, drink and be merry.”
The money that he earns to meet the expenses is perhaps not hard-earned. Thus, he takes nothing seriously and usually smokes the bitter truths of life by putting himself in a utopia.
Such people are usually snobs and suffer from a superiority complex. To satisfy the people in the circle of their dear and near ones, they have nothing to display as practical and a lot to talk about.
How To Deal With A Careless Husband?
Dealing with a careless husband is not the adjustment to the issue, rather this mindset is to live with the issue by paving way for compromises. To make him responsible is the actual adjustment.
If he is careless and you keep dealing with him with courtesy or cruelty, instead of getting a sense of responsibility, he will become stubborn.
The ideal seems to make him responsible by assigning him different household tasks. For it, draw yourself back from some of the household duties and put them on your husband.
First, he will not agree, but if you keep insisting with tactful ways, he will at least agree to accept some of those assigned works. Assist him in accomplishing those, but only if he asks.
Otherwise, put them to him and take them aside. It is now up to him how he deals with them.
Stay positive and cool with him. Encourage him, back him and even clap for him. Your love does make him emotional as well. Keep repeating all this without being retreated.
Soon, you will see a new pleasant, responsible version of your husband.
Related: my husband doesn’t care when I cry
What Is A Selfish Husband?
A selfish husband means a husband who gives priorities to his own person and neglects the individuality of his wife.
He wants his needs to be accomplished; he wants his concerns to be alleviated.
What about his wife? He seems to have none to do with her. Living with such a husband a wife feels disrespected and neglected.
How To Deal With A Selfish Husband?
Being selfish is a mindset, not a disorder. Cowardness, lack of optimism about the future, and doubts about bumble compel people to think just of their own.
This mindset can be reset by better adjustment and counseling.
To deal with a selfish husband, make him realize that whatever the situation there will be, you will accompany him. And you want him to accompany you, too. Try to alleviate his doubtful concerns. Make him present to enjoy the present moment with you.
Tell him if you don’t want others to think just of their own, you too should not think so. Develop more intimacy. Make him addicted to your person and instead of being emotional, be tactful to bring him back on track.
Marriage is a relationship where both partners play their role for a continuous and happy relationship. When the wife is doing extra, the husband should appreciate her efforts and show a willingness to do for her, too.
But often, the husband ignores the efforts of wives. It is why proper counseling is needed for husbands. But, wife has to do this!
If you don’t do it properly, he might start ignoring your needs, does nothing for you, doesn’t help with anything, and never wants to do anything for you.
Above, we compared the arguments that more often husbands and wives do with each other. Go through the points and above guide carefully, and make an actionable plan for counseling of your husband.
There isn’t much work, you have to clarify; you are doing things for him, he should admire it and start assisting you and doing things for you.
Your opinion is our union! 💕