If your wife has feelings for another man, don’t be dishearted, dejected, and depressed. Be brave to face the games of life. With your love, care, affection and respect, you can win here back. It’s a time to be accountable to yourself and reconsider your duties as a husband.
There is a problem with relationships.
They can be different, but they all have one common attribute, and this is they can be managed and solved. You don’t know and would not acknowledge that it is a blessing though it is in disguise. During her feelings for another man, your search for counseling indicates that she is important to you.
And when she will again have feelings for you, those feelings of yours would be unique and indescribable. The undesirable space of feelings has realized you that she matters and matters to a large extent. Now you need to make her conscious that you can love her more than forty thousand lovers.
What you need is to be with us because we know relations, we know solutions. In this regard, first, we shall discuss why one starts having feelings for the other and why one starts losing his feelings for the other.
Why it starts to have feelings for others:
Everybody has some blueprints of his idea there in his mind. These blueprints are referred to as aesthetic sense. It can be a material aesthetic sense or a non-material aesthetic sense. Whenever one finds something or some person close enough to that blueprint, it shouts out.
“Yes, it is the one for whom I have been searching. Yes, I like it.” It is natural. It is with all of us, but very few are conscious of it.
Why it starts to lose feeling for others:
Too much closeness for a long period of union, without a specific space, routine life, lack of novelty, and repetition of certain to-do works are the causes when one feels fed up and unconsciously starts losing feelings for the partner.
Relations, especially relationships, are not granted. They demand proper care. They demand to be given some novelty and freshness. If one is not having that, what is then destined, is suffocation. And from where he would find the whiff of fresh air, he would be inclined there.
It is the basic myth of losing feelings.
Now we are concerned about elaborating on the ways and techniques by which you can win your wife back.
If you want to bring your wife back, you should possess some positive changes in you. There were some particular traits that she wanted to have in you, but she could not get. And when she found these somewhere else, consciously or unconsciously, she is persuaded to them.
What to do when your wife has feelings for another man?
Now you should be possessed with certain traits in your person that may appeal to and compel your wife to possess feelings for you again. In this regard, you need to work in the following four areas.
As exercise is to the body the same, the case is with reading and observing to the mind. The head is the head that controls everything.
Have you been given a good diet for your head to work properly?
If you have been, that’s good. If not; then start giving. Read some good books on morality and relationship. Try to know about the psychology of relations.
It will help you nourish your mind and you would be able to behave in good manners. By reading and gaining knowledge of different disciplines, you would be able to neck up yourself and it would be a check-up to know about your mental health.
Physical health and appearance.
One evening, a husband put his cell phone aside that he usually used to use and stared at his wife.
“Why have I been sitting here with you all the time?” He said loudly.
“I want some fun for both of us. I am going to take a shower, trimming and then I shall put on the nicest suit. After that, I shall come back here. And I ask you to guess who is going to knot a tie for me?”
Her wife scarcely moved, glanced up from her newspaper, and said, “The Undertaker.” Perhaps having a boring and dull life with your wife would have been so.
Maybe to her, it is like a dream to go with you for an outing like a romantic couple. Or maybe she never saw you in your best dress-up. Possibilities can be countless. The purpose here is to make clear that good looks, good dresses, and, above all, a considerable masculine physique matter.
You should work on your physical health and appearance.
Have you been working for your good physique? Do you take good care of physical health of yours or are you just a couch potato?
Whatever there has been, that is the past. From now start giving priority to your physical health and appearance.
Who dislikes morality?
Everybody in the world likes courtesy, politeness, and the sweetness of the tongue. Having good manners can win you the world and your wife is no exception. If you have gained everything but moral values, it means you have gained nothing.
There are no alternatives to moral values. You can impress and make yourself notable to the people by working on your moral values. Everything that we have discussed and will discuss in this article is important, but nothing is above moral values.
Moral qualities are the fuel of the vehicle of married life. Without these, survival is almost impossible.
Working on social dimensions is also important. Here social does not mean that we are recommending you to be social. Here it means how you introduce your wife to society and how you look at the whole social scenario.
Why knowledge of social scenarios is important? To know it, let’s have something special.
Once a couple was out there in a park. They saw another couple there seated on the cemented bench and kissing passionately. The wife, after noticing the couple, complained to her husband, “Why do not you do it?’ The man replied, “Dear, how can I? I don’t even know that woman.”
In the past, you might be misunderstanding your wife’s love hints? If you have been, it was boring to her. Being social and making her social with others has its importance. It brings novelty to the relationship and reduces boredom to its minimum.
There are women who get bored after spending some considerable married life. It is because of routine and dull goings. Wives want fun and they should be given too.
It hurts wives, and they remember the time when they used to have fun with mates. Everything serious and everything in routine fades away the colors of life. So reconsider the things, reschedule some other things and bring some fun to your married life.
It would enhance the chances that your wife would again start having feelings for you.
How to get my wife back?
Four steps to bring back your wife’s feelings for you.
Be Tender and Soft.
A soft inquiry or soft answer can turn away the wrath. By tender, what meanings can be derived? To understand it, let’s have a short story.
There was an older couple who had been married for over fifty years. One day the old lady was trying to tell her husband how to be soft. She said to the old man, “Do you remember you used to sit very close to me?”
The old man came near to her. “Remember once you loved to snuggle over everything.” said the lady. The old man gave her a big hug by coming more closing. “But there was a wild thing to me that I loved the most, and it was nibbling on my earhole.” Added the lady.
The old man jumped and hurried from the room. “What happened? Where are you running?” The lady shouted. “I am just coming. I have to return my teeth!” The old man explained.
We hope you have got something in it. Our colleague in relationcounseling.org Mr. Calym , always had problems regarding his wife because he used to be harsh and always violated the boundaries.
But gradually, with good counseling from our group, he started using the soft tongue as he had promised to act upon only one point. And we asked him just to use a soft tongue. Things became pleasant.
Even Mr. David’s wife was fed up with him because of his carelessness and rudeness. She had feelings for another man who was their neighbor. Here David showed sensibility; instead of being mad with anger, he gave priority to be accountable to himself.
He brought good changes in his nature. When asked during our servery, He explained that a woman cannot stand the rudeness and immoral behavior of her husband. What I did to win my wife back was adopting the politeness of tongue and tenderness in behavior.
I became comfortable with her. Now she had no problem living with me. And when she is comfortable with me, she has feelings just for me. It is the importance of tenderness and softness.
Acknowledge your mistakes and then seek forgiveness.
Never be a lion, be a man, a real man of your wife. Living together, things can be heated. It’s natural. Sometimes you may be right, but it is the attitude that can be wrong.
Your way can be offensive in which you prefer to deal with. Self-accountability and admitting mistakes can avert the big gap between the husband and the wife. After admitting your mistake, it is seeking forgiveness by which the ball of reconciliation can move forward.
There is nothing wrong with seeking forgiveness.
You are a man and real men are those whose wives are satisfied and happy with them. Be there in front of you and just admit that you have physically and emotionally hurt your wife. There should be truth in your actions of seeking forgiveness.
Here is a noteworthy point. If she condones, you don’t consider it reconditioning because, by this, she may view that your apology was just a drama and you just wanted to bring her and her feelings back for yourself.
Give her time to recover. During this time, be an embodiment of love and care for her.
Display of Genuine Repentance.
As a fact, it is a concern of the heart, behavior, and the mind. As the heart is a leader of the soul, so it is more a case of the heart. It is also a subject of the mind, as every thought gets nourishment there. And why is it a matter of behavior?
Because without work, faith is a dead thing. So all three are important. The relationship becomes able to turn around when real repentance occurs.
By your true repentance, you will be in a position to win her back. She would come to know that your words are not just words. They are true feelings. And you know true feelings of your can matter a lot to your wife.
Put yourself in her place and be a good listener.
What you don’t like for yourself don’t wish for others. It’s simple. There were problems. There were hard times from which she has suffered. Don’t expect that things would change overnight. You can understand it only by putting yourself in her place.
In a relationship, the most important area is listening.
By listening carefully to his wife, a man can get good scores. By listening to her, you would come to know that she has something special and valuable to say. She would come to know that you give her respect and value if you listen to her carefully.
Don’t listen to respond to her, listen to understand her. It will enhance your value and will boost her feelings for you.
Related: What is respect in a relationship
Do’s and don’t’s
Now it would be appropriate to list out (Do’s and don’t’s)
Don’t blame her.
Your wife has feelings for another man; it can’t be ignored. It can’t be justified, it can’t keep your head cool. But the fact is, to bring her back to win her feelings back, you need to keep your head cool.
Avoid getting too emotional.
You need to look at things very deeply and avoid bursting up. In this regard, the natural thing that men do is to start blaming. And it does nothing good but leaves no room for reconciliation.
Things don’t start abruptly. And she is not a teenager. Her feelings for another man are not the first sight of love. Actually, you gave space and did not come up to her expectations. She started going away from you.
Now be accountable to yourself. Have you been addressing her like it? “You are oversensitive. You need to change yourself. You should have told me that our marriage is in danger. To whom I married, you are not that. You never behaved like a submissive wife.”
These statements are devastating to the relationship.
And these can be the big reason for your failure as a husband. If you have been saying so, just stop it at once. Blame is a pain. It should not be there in the relationship.
Display affection in physical ways.
You might be motivated and sincere to show your love and care but as a matter of fact, it all was not processed. Now, you need to be extremely conscious while displaying affection in a physical way.
It means, be more sensitive to what she desires and when she desires. The sexual needs of women are different from men. Men become ready for sexual union in seconds.
But as for as women are concerned, they take time.
And most of the men don’t realize it. More than 70 percent of women’s desire for physical touch is nonsexual.
Intimation and sex.
Sex doesn’t begin in the bedroom. It takes place in everyday acts of kindness, truthfulness, touch, and talking, and these have been lost in your relationship. And it is the biggest reason behind her cold behavior toward you.
Now don’t take sex as your own pleasure. Create a proper scenario for it and give priority to her choices. As your relationship has been cooled for a considerable time, so first win her back spiritually, not physically.
Honor her fences.
Husband and wife share almost everything, but some fences are there between them. And they should be to develop a relationship. These are good fences that make good relationships.
If one is violating the fences, it may seriously hurt the other. Every wife has privacy and needs emotional space. Respecting these fences means respecting her. If she says that, she doesn’t like talking about it.
Be patient and ask her when she would like to discuss it. There should not be any taunt in your tone.
Related: give her space but show you care
Plant the hope seeds and develop security.
In your case, things are not pleasant anymore. If you plant the hope seeds and develop a sense of security, it will give a shade of calmness and relaxation. Now you have to hold a bit. You need to come with good and courteous deeds and should ensure a sense of security for her.
It will take time, but matters how much you are sincere with your desire to win her back. Another way to bring your wife’s feelings back is to provide her with the things she always wanted but never got.
Nobody likes arrogant people. Though people pretend to respect on the face, but actually they don’t respect. They just get afraid. They don’t respect them. And those who are the apostles of humility and are an embodiment of humility are loved by everyone.
Being the head of your house, you should practice humility. It can save from many domestic conflicts. From now onward, acquire this moral trait and you would reap a mellow crop.
Emotional and romantic bonding.
Even if the plant is healthy, it needs good soil to grow further—similarly, expressions of love and care work as fertilizer for the soil of the relationship. Expressions of love are a way to honor your wife and further lead to good sex life.
One of the reasons for the death of romance in a long-term relation is its link with physical intimacy. Effective romance usually leads to intercourse, but at its starting point, it never means so. Those who turn sexually immediately find nothing from their wives.
Women usually prefer romance over sex. Maybe you have been missing this point. From now, you can give priority to romance to be more appealing to your wife.
Read Next: How to take care of a pregnant wife
Even if a couple is committed sincerely still at some point in a long-term relationship, one of them starts losing the thrill and enthusiasm. And things become dull and dry.
In such a cause, the other should prove itself a true companion by observing the problems and eradicating them.
So, in short, if she is having feelings for another man, it means she has lost the thrill of the relationship with you.
But by acquiring the suggestions and bringing some positive changes in yourself, you can win her feelings back. After all, she is yours. Be a real man, face the jam and let it pass. Soon she would be in your arms, spiritually and physically.