Respect and love are the fundamental pillars of the building of marriage. These two strengthen marriage bond. While taunts and blames are the demons that lick the very foundations of this bond.
If the husband is there with all anger, taunts and blame, it becomes difficult for the wife to survive.
If you are that lady whose husband keeps blaming her for nothing, stay with us. We have the solution.
The only condition is to be courageous enough to follow the suggestions.
The first question that may arise in your mind can be as, “Why does my husband blame me for everything?”
He blames you because he may either be a narcissist, cannot accept his responsibility, or he may not even realize his behavior. The second reason is most common.
Even when you nag him about not blaming you, he blames you more for things as a negation. So let’s discuss now how to cure this issue.
It is a psychological technique that helps well.
Quick but daring cure: Tell him about your feelings, but wait until he is well-fed and quietly relaxed. There should not be any background noise. The atmosphere must be serene and peaceful.
Now, move toward him and politely put your hand on his shoulder or knee quite as you seat yourself to his absolute right.
Have a deep look into his eyes and say the following words word-for-word.
“I feel sorry for disrupting you. I want your help with something.”
If he reacts approvingly, proceeds. If he is irritable, wait until a suitable time.
When you find a safe moment to talk with him, say, “Excuse me, I want your help with something.” Your tone should be soft and sweet.
He is, who fell in love with you and you possess a kind heart. Your words and voice in a soft and sweet tone will assist sway him to do what you want at this moment.
To his right, sit immediately. After making good eye contact, use these words, using his name in place of “Calm.”
“Calm, it would be great for me and make me feel comfortable and happy if you would compliment me on the good stuff that I do. I understand that I am not perfect. I admit, but my main objective is to be a good and decent wife to you.
You know how I feel about you. I wish you to be proud of me. But occasionally, more frequently than not, I come out feeling as though everything that happens, even the things that are unrelated to me, is all my fault.
It makes me feel blamed. Would you like to do this for me? A compliment about what you do like that I do? It would mean a lot for me.”
Then just get up, leave the place, and do not try to discuss the issue anymore. Discussing the issue is the pop psychology fix, but not in your case.
You have tried before to stop blaming so since he is better at blaming versus stopping the blaming. Now we have to reverse it by the verbal technique.
Remember, don’t repeat the above repeat dialogue for any reason.
Almost in two weeks, you will see a small difference that will increase over time. It takes almost two weeks for some fruit.
In the meantime, there are chances that he will blame you again. When he does so, you should say, verbatim, and it is the most significant part of this technique, “It does not make me feel good.”
Politely say: “It does not make me feel happy,” or even, “It does not make me feel good.”
And just don’t try to argue or discuss whatever it is. Simply repeat the dialogue mentioned above. It should be a word for word. Beyond it, avoid saying anything.
If he is standing there all with arguing and blaming, you simply stay quiet. He is blaming because he can only do it. To him, it is a habit now. If you are not disagreeing or arguing, then soon he will be all flowed, as he will have no reason to continue.
Some smart women will even agree. “You say right. I should have discovered my fault last time. Anyway, I shall do better next time.” Then they shut up.
They do it just for two weeks and their marriages unexpectedly become missing of arguing because anywhere there is no disagreement.
To argue with, he needs someone who disagrees with him and now he has no one to argue with because you have agreed. Now to him, you agree because you and he are having the same ideas about the issue.
By doing so, it seems that you are mad as hell. Somewhere inside, you know you do not merit this kind of browbeating, but you are agreeing because it is a plus point for you and it ultimately puts a stop to all the disagreements.
Over reviewed time, he will try to begin to reverse his position.
It will require a lot of patience and work on your credit.
Two weeks is not a big deal, but many women just hands up and return to arguing. But if you desire to fix this in him, you need to develop some willpower in yourself.
Just try not to argue when he is blaming. Simply agree and smile. Pass the jam and enjoy the fruit of your patience. Keep your eyes on your goal and stay focused.
It is a hard but short solution to your problem. That is why your husband blames you for everything.
Usually, people blame others because it gives them some comfort zone. It provides them with a defense mechanism. They are reluctant to accept responsibility for whatever it is. It is the verbal technique that reverses the problem.
Again, for your kind information, it will take almost two weeks to get the metal ball spinning in his head. Keep the tool of patience with you along with staunch hope because it is hoped that keeps the life get going and also uses your willpower.
Believe us by utilizing this; he will eventually reverse his position and stop blaming and begin complimenting you and treating you well.
You can use this approach along with other things that you want him to do.
Stay polite and sit quietly, and use the words, “it would make me happy if you will have some compliments about my good deeds.”
Look for the best moments to address your husband. It is the way that he would listen. Do your best. Surely there is something he prefers you to correct, but dress well, cook well and respect him.
Also, when men are going through economic instability, they are often offended, so try to know what he’s going through, but don’t nag because by doing so you will add to his stress.
Something more and different.
Related: What is respect in a relationship
If the above-mentioned two rules don’t work in fifteen days even then don’t be disappointed. You have only one life to live and it should not be led by sobbings and dejected heart.
Even after charging the blames, if your husband is happy with his world, we would certainly not let you live with sorrow.
Here comes another strategy. Be the owner. Be the owner of yourself. And be the owner of your residence and your person.
Without ownership, you consider yourself powerless. Why is so?
Because you will end up thinking that you just can not do anything regarding your life and your marriage, but actually, it’s not so. It is far from reality.
You, being the creative power, can influence your relationship to a great extent.
Ownership means that you prepare yourself to take accountability for everything that is happening within your marriage.
It simply does not tell that you blame yourself for what has gone false and wrong in your relationship. It represents that you acknowledge that you have some sort of contribution to the blame game.
We certainly are not blaming you that you have done things wrong. We are to say that even being a victim, you are part of this blame game.
You should recognize it because it all allows you to start changing your side of the blame game.
“I want you to give at least some compliment for my good deeds,” was the suggested sentence to repeat in the first two rounds.
In the third round, the dialogue stays the same. What you have to change is the accent. You have to add some more politeness, emotions, and a bit of pain to this dialogue.
To simplify things, we are to say that you have to adopt some traits of a tragic heroine.
After the first fifteen days, if he starts blaming again, at that particular moment don’t smile, just stay cool and unconcerned about the blame.
If you are compelled to say something, just say, “you are right” and leave the place. Don’t forget that your tone should be tragic as we have to produce some sort of pity and shame in his heart.
And then wait for the time when he is in a fresh mood. Whenever you find him in a fresh mood, sit beside him and say in a tragic tone, “Though I am not coming up to your expectations yet, I want you to give some compliment for my good deeds. I would mean a lot for me. Thank you” and just get aside. Don’t stay there to listen to him back or check for his behavior.
Repeat it several times.
You know relations are not cured; they are managed. And what we are doing is to manage the issue in the best possible optimistic way.
- Husband doesn’t care when I cry?
- Why Does My Husband Act Like A Child?
- My husband treats me like I don’t matter!
- My husband makes me feel about myself!
Above mentioned, all the rounds demands you to put aside your ego for some time. And you have to do it first.
Listen, we usually say, “I just can’t bear the wrong statement. I can’t bear anything wrong.”
Then what’s the credibility of your person?
Being sensible is the first condition to have courage enough to face the unfair comments and bad behaviors with a smile.
And it is the attitude that would help you to put aside your ego.
Your half success is in defeating your ego. Be an iron lady and just clean sweep your ego and then come with all the determination not to lose courage and hope. We all guarantee that you would get success in getting rid of the blames of your husband.
We believe you will visit relationcounseling.org with a smiling face and tell us that now your husband does not blame you anymore for anything.