Regarding problem-solving, two types of people in the world.
Active & Passive.
Active
These are those who are active in everything. They are energetic and always ask life to try them. They can cope with every situation.
Even they find it interesting to solve the twisted riddles of life.
Passive
These are those who want the course of life smooth. Even a simple turn disrupts their normal functioning of life. They get frustrated and complain about life, “why me?”
Though their problems are not gigantic yet, they are so pessimistic in their approach that they are of the view that God blessed us with eyes to weep. They are less productive and more consumers about the bounties of life.
They don’t create happiness. Rather, with their passive and pessimistic views, they spoil the lives of their near and dear ones. Wives are no exceptions. And the fact is that these are wives who suffer most by their hands.
As we always advocate that people themselves are not good or bad. It is their nature and behavior that make them good or bad. If they have passive nature or are bad-tempered, they can be cured by taking the following measures and counseling.
Why does your partner refuse to talk about problems?
He is not so voluntarily. He is so by nature. 1
He is not bold. He doesn’t choose to negotiate with problems as he fears failing.
He has made up his mind that either problems are nothing or he is not good enough to deal with them.
He wants to escape from the responsibilities of life because he is a misfit in the present scenario.
Above all, he suffers from an inferiority complex, though he pretends to be superior.
Being a psychological case, he can be cured. The only thing you need to do is to be with us for our researched recommendations.
What to do if your husband refuses to talk about problems?
So, being a stressed wife, we recommend you follow the points to work on. We have staunch hope these points would help you in tackling your problem.
Let’s start for the good.
Related: 10 ways to talk about problems without fighting with your husband
Learn: what a husband needs from his wife
1. Clarity during communication.
It comes naturally to some women that they are not clear about their problems while discussing them. The element of taunt is more dominant in their tone.
It irritates the listeners.
By this taunt tone, he takes himself as a problem rather than considering the actual problem. So what you are sharing, you should be clear in your words and fair in your tone.
2. Avoid anger and rude behavior.
Anger and rude behavior pay nothing but cost your happiness and prosperity.
Aggressive and rude people get no assistance and in the end, they have nothing but repentance to live with.
Before conferring your problem, you need to work on your nature. If, with rude and aggressive behavior, you intend to discuss the problem, then just don’t discuss it.
Just go to your comfort zone, be relaxed, and take a rest for some time. It will alleviate your hot temper, and you would start feeling good.
Related: How to deal with an angry husband
Related: How to deal with controlling husband
3. Politeness and Courtesy
In this material world, we find few people who are polite in their dealings. 2
We are so much hollow in our approach that we forget to change our roles when we come back home after toiling there in the outside world for wealth and money.
We forget that now we are at home and no more boss or principal officer. Our family members are our near and dear ones. They are not our subordinates.
Here at home, we can’t put our burden on subordinates or colleagues; rather, now we will have to be a beast of burden.
Here, you have to make your husband realize that his role has been changed. Now he is just a husband and father. And this realization can’t be made without politeness and courtesy.
The sweetness of tongue and mellowness in tone will assist you in making him realize his duties. By this, you are preparing him to contribute to solving the problems.
4. Positive start.
Never try to start in a way in which he starts to consider himself a problem.
Starting with a negative point would give him a reason that he has none to do with your problems, as you are considering him a problem.
By taking a start with a positive point and assuring him of his importance in a polite tone would give him a reason to consider your problems. By your positive start, he would understand the value of reconciliation between you and him.
A little bit of loving nature and positive behavior can make him responsible. By thing way, he will start thinking about your problems and will be more engaged with you than ever.
Not only the behavior, but the conversation should also be positive.
During your discussion, never forget to mention his deeds and deals. Even if he does not possess those, you should create them during conversation to have his assistance.
Tell him that you are grateful for his contribution to solving the problems and you think he has a big role in solving the issues. Without his help, it was almost impossible to tackle the problems.
By this now, he is trapped and can’t run away from talking about the problem-solving issues.
5. Acknowledge your faults, too.
During your conversation, don’t make him realize that he is the only problem to you and that you are fed up with him would not work.
Furthermore, it is not a healthy choice too when you want to make things settled. This kind of statement will make him shut at once and again; he will refuse to talk about problems.
Remember, problems are not created in isolation. Problem is created when we are among people or with someone who is part of our life. Even if, according to you, he is a problem creator, don’t put all the blame on him.
Admit your faults too. It is natural to human beings they don’t make themselves accountable and don’t want to be answerable. Same the case can be with you.
Here, admitting your faults will make him feel that you are not assaulting or blaming him and it is more likely that he will also confess that he also has been doing something wrong and now it is time to seek solutions together.
6. Never assume yourself as perfect.
During your discussion about problems, never try to make him confess that you are perfect.
If you acknowledge that drawback is common to all and you both are no exception, too, it will also make him courageous enough to admit his drawbacks and shortcomings.
Blaming each other would never bring a good result of the conversation. If you will keep attacking and will not go on the back foot, ask yourself can expect from your husband that he will talk about problems.
Related: How to make a guy want you
7. Show pure feelings.
If you are getting hurt all the time and are counseling yourself and then think that everything will be right sooner or later, it will not happen.
When you get hurt, don’t go to the other room to cry. Try to shed tears in front of him but shed only tears, have control over abusive language.
Your feelings and tears are genuine at the time, so don’t try to ruin them with overacting. Your tears are the language of your feelings. They can communicate with him.
He shall soon start feeling sympathy and apathy for you. He would try to console you and make the room comfortable for you.
In such a case, there will be chances that he will be agreed to negotiate about the vital issues.
8. Be diplomatic in approach.
For some time and for the good of your relation, consider yourself a tragic heroine who is surrounded by a heap of problems and there is none to save her but her husband or partner.
Then acquire the role fully and in disguise of that tragic heroine to tell him that you are the only one who is worth talking about problems. We again recommend you to be away from overacting.
Make him curious and attentive to your questions.
After listening to you for half an hour, he says, ” I don’t know what you were talking about,” which would arouse your anger in the sky.
So, it would be better to have some questions or even a questioning tone during the conversation. It will help him to be attentive to you.
Furthermore, when he carries out that there are some questions in the discussion, he would be all ears to you.
Questions should be simple and natural as,
“Would you like to share your feeling on it?”
“Are you understanding me?”
“Do you know what I am saying about?”
These interrogative phrases will help you to make him engaged in the discussion.
And one more thing about it, you should also avoid the phrases like,
“Are you listening?”
“Are you all ears?”
“You should answer my questions.”
It will pressurize him, and he will soon realize that he can’t talk about it anymore even he can’t listen too.
9. Give him a chance to dialogue.
People think and feel just for themselves. It is a basic instinct to human beings that they want to convey their feelings in a minute.
It is because they consider that they have been in a particular problem longer than others. So, being in that particular situation now, they are in a better position to convey their feelings and within no time they do it too.
While there are some guys who take time to convert their emotions into words, that’s why they are slow in their communication. It is unfair if one is overwhelmed by the other only because he is slow in communication.
Your partner can be slow in thinking and finding the appropriate words to negotiate. You should consider the point and should give him enough time for his dialogue.
10. Consider the time of discussion.
Coming back to home and listening to the same problems over and over can create a realm of rumination.
So for problem discussion, making such a schedule that is comfortable for will be a good idea.
It will give him some time to relax, and after that, he will consider the problems more seriously.
If there is a time to start the discussion, there should also be a time to end it. It should not be matter whether it was concluded or not.
You can say to yourself that it’s enough for today. We can discuss it further on a suitable occasion.
Related: how to give your husband space
11. Consider his position
There are people who behold the rule with awe that if you don’t have good enough to say, then don’t say it at all. Your partner can be the follower of this pithy epigram.
He may consider that as now he has nothing good to say about that particular problem, so he should avoid communication.
Being careful about your partner’s position will lessen the risk of his escape from the discussion. It would also reduce the impending danger of outbursts.
12. Courteous Ending
The ending is most important while having a discussion. When the riddle is solved, the mood should be fresh; even if not solved, still pause it in a pleasant way.
Usually, people say “the first impression is the last impression.” They are not wrong, but we say,
“Last impression is the everlasting impression.”
Your last impression would dwell in his mind till the next dialogue. And pleasant next dialogue also owes to the pleasant end of the previous dialogue.
If you end it in a courteous manner, he would definitely be considering your problems.
What if he still won’t open up?
With the above points, you can also take a few extra steps to make him open up. 3
- Ask for support from friends or family: if he is not ready to talk to you, it is worth asking any fellow to talk to him and discuss the matter politely.
- Make him comfortable: men need a comfortable environment to open up. For this, you can give him time to relax, cook his favorite dish, ask questions, and ask about his desires. Here, good communication also matters.
- Take some patience: he might be struggling with his inner thoughts. Give him some time.
- Give him space: sometimes, space refreshes the relationship.
If still, nothing is working for you, seek professional help. I recommend visiting a therapist; he will help you both in communicating better. If he refuses to go to the therapist, follow the guide.
Related: how to make him open up
Related: how to give your husband space
Conclusion
It is quite normal in many relationships that the husband won’t communicate problems properly, so, don’t panic 4 but take some action. Work on your communication skills, and also on non-verbal communication. 5
Good communication skills and communication styles can make your relationship strong and better. Most of the cases, it is miscommunication that causes problems.
If your husband is not willing to talk, ask him gently when he will be ready to talk, and do not push hard.
These suggestions from the expert team of relationcounseling.org were compiled after great research to provide you with the best tips. So we have staunch hope that these would help you in engaging your husband to talk about problems.
Your opinion is our union! 💕
References:
- https://www.verywellmind.com/why-your-spouse-wont-listen-2303207 [↑]
- https://www.colorado.edu/health/5-essentials-healthy-relationship [↑]
- Overton AR, Lowry AC. Conflict management: difficult conversations with difficult people. Clin Colon Rectal Surg. 2013;26(4):259-64. doi:10.1055/s-0033-1356728 [↑]
- https://www.rutgers.edu/news/wives-take-problems-heart-husbands-get-frustrated [↑]
- Foley GN, Gentile JP. Nonverbal communication in psychotherapy. Psychiatry (Edgmont). 2010;7(6):38-44. [↑]
